..to be uncommon//

The most depressing blog post on New Year's ever.

2012-01-02T22:25:00.000Z

It's pretty hard to come up with something unique for the obligatory New Year blog post. What could I write about the New Year that hasn't been written on a thousand blogs already?

You are supposed to write about new year resolutions or about how you have grown so much in the last year. But if I am honest with myself I don't want to make myself feel bad and think over all the things I said I would do last year but never did. We are supposed to look forward. Put the past behind us and be positive about tomorrow. A new start. A fresh page.

But what if you can't see a way to start again and you already feel, just two days into the New Year that you are already cruising down the same path you took last year. What if the things or the issues that you are dealing with, still exist and that midnight on January 1^st 2012 didn't bring the magic turnaround in circumstances or feelings that we are made to believe it is supposed to.

In fact a lot of people find themselves in this position. They are still dealing with depression, or addiction, financial worries or any number of things that is making their life a misery. This blog is for them. It's for the people who find themselves stuck. The people for whom it could just as easily be the 2^nd January 2011 as it is 2012.

In 2011 I did something that I had wanted to do for a long time and finally got off my ass doing. When I went for my first meeting with a counsellor in September I was scared, excited and slightly relieved. But ultimately having someone who I could talk to about things in my past and help me deal with them in a way that would bring me freedom and some hope, was an amazing experience for me.

And that is why this year I will be looking back more. Because if I learned nothing else from counselling it was this.

Sometimes looking back is the only way you can look forward.

Sometimes dealing with our past is the only way we can have a fulfilling and hope filled future.

Maybe you need to do this to get out from the stone you find yourself. Maybe you need to remember a time when you were happy and free and remind yourself that person is still in you somewhere. No matter how muffled their voice has become. Are there things from yesterday that are preventing you from creating tomorrow?

Because there has to be hope. Sometimes we need to fight for it and if a fight is what is needed, fight. Find people who can fight for and along with you if you can't. Maybe they are the ones who will help you look back.

Because this year your past might just be your new future.

And we need you.

For The Freaks

2011-10-23T09:17:00.001+01:00

One of the questions I ask myself before I write anything is ‘what will other people think of this?’ ‘Will they like it?’ ‘Will they think it is stupid?’ ‘Will I come across in a bad light?’

These are all the wrong questions to ask.

These won’t help me be honest and they certainly won’t help me become a better writer.

Should anyone?

During the last few weeks when I was in counseling a lot of things came up that I realized were affecting the way I lived. An incident from my childhood was triggered in my memory that I am still peeling away the layers of.

To cut a long story short, I discovered that this memory had affected me in so many ways but mainly it had helped me create a filter for most of my life where I was scared of what people would think of me.

This is apparent in the way I am sometimes afraid of giving my opinion. It’s obvious in how I don’t stand up for something that is wrong in case the person who has committed the wrong thinks poorly of me. It’s clear in how I won’t initiate conversations because I think people would rather not talk to me.

One of the breakthroughs for me in this has been realizing that I can’t control what people think. I can’t determine their response to me. And slowly I am starting to believe it doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter what they think because they are flawed like me. I have believe the lie that I don’t have worth compared to other people. But that is wrong and if I have as much worth as anyone then I am entitled to be part of things. I am entitled to be included.

Which all begs another question.

Where do we find our worth?

For years I thought I got it from Jesus.

But I didn’t.

I got it from being a Christian. This if you know some Christians, probably isn’t a great way of gaining self worth.

But one of the things that following Jesus is supposed to elicit in our lives is openness to forgiveness. A freedom to be real with God and others. I’m scared to be myself because I have possibly not truly grasped that His love for me is enough. I’m afraid because I don’t really believe that His sacrifice for me is sufficient for me to show who I really am and for during those times when I screw up (which I will), it be alright.

I have put my faith in myself. In other people.

And where has that got me? Where has that got any of us?

When I put my faith in making sure I look good to others I will naturally fall short because they are imperfect too.

Being a follower of Jesus means having the freedom to live. That’s what he really came for. So we can truly live now. If I don’t do that then I don’t really understand that when Jesus died he died so I could be free from the fear of screwing up. He died so that I could really understand how genuine freedom is in not being afraid of being a freak or wrong or looking stupid.

But that real freedom is knowing we are a freak and wrong and sometimes look stupid….and that, that is good. Because our trust is in something much better.

You and I were created in God’s image. Not someone else’s or the false one we have come to believe about ourselves.

Join me in starting to believe that today.

Join me in being a freak.

Showing Up

2011-10-21T20:43:00.001+01:00

I have been staring at a blank page for a couple of hours now trying to muster up some words, any words, they don't even have to be that coherent.

But alas I have failed in my task. My masterpiece has alluded me today. My Pulitzer winning piece did not materialise.

But... I DID show up. I came prepared to do the work.

And tomorrow morning I will show up again. And maybe no words will appear again. But I have to believe they will.

But even if not, I will show up the next day, and then the next, and then the next....

So show up today. Then tomorrow.

Be prepared to work for your art.

But don't worry if you fail.

It will come.

As long as you show keep showing up....

Your art will show up.

PISSED OFF!

2011-10-20T10:48:00.001+01:00

I read some advice at the weekend about not writing while you are angry.

This doesn’t sound like good advice to me. If one doesn’t write while they are angry should we resist from writing when we are sad, depressed, melancholic or joyous? It seems to me the best art comes from a myriad of emotions.

I haven’t written on my blog for a long while. Very sporadically actually but recently when I have sat down to write I seem to be always drawn back to creativity or thoughts on why we sit and muster up images, words or semitones in our head and I have come to the simple conclusion on why millions of us do this on a daily basis.

Because you need to.

You don’t really have a choice.

You need to create new things. You need to continue to explore the endless possibilities that art holds.

You wake up and if you don’t sing at some point during the day you feel like you will explode.

Or if you don’t write you will continue to suppress the thoughts that could change the world.

Not creating is killing you.

When you feel like that, you are creative and you should do something about it. Namely create.

That’s why some bands struggle with the difficult second album syndrome. They have created something successful the first time around and so they try to recreate it. While they should really be focusing on creating something new and fresh. They aren’t really creating at all.

That’s why some pastors leave their churches to make tv shows in Hollywood. It’s not that they don’t care about or regret their previous existence. They just need to explore the side that, and let’s not forget this, God handed them.

And that’s why I sit here slightly pissed off at myself. Pissed off that I haven’t been doing that. Not moving to Hollywood.

But creating.

If being pissed off means that I, and all of us, let go and come out with our voice and our song and change the world and help someone, then I say better to be angry and create than happy and not follow who you are.

Because ultimately, even if it is painful, creating will satisfy you.

Isn’t that something we should get angry about?

What I have learned about being creative (without actually being creative)

2011-09-03T12:35:00.002+01:00

This can be a scary place if you are creative.

Hey....I'm down here.

That's better! Yeah one of the scariest places you can be when you are creative is that blank canvas. Even before you have an idea. Even before you know what you are going to write, paint, speak about, discover. It can be truly terrifying.

But it's not the scariest. The scariest is that after a while you have this.

Still here.

A clean blank sheet with no marks or words or pictures. Not because you can't come up with them. But because you haven't even tried.

No one said it would be easy. It's not supposed to be. So stop trying to make it easy and live with it being awkward, hard, confusing, frustrating.

Because only then can it be liberating.

And only then can it be good.

Why I like being punched in the face (or just writing that to get your attention)

2011-06-11T18:03:00.000+01:00

Writing is easy when you know what to write about. It’s not as easy when you don’t. A bit like now. Well actually exactly like now.

I read a post by the very funny Tripp Crosby, one half of the twice as funny duo Tripp and Tyler that made me laugh. They are twice as funny as each of them on their own since there is two of them and two is better than one. Unless of course you are talking about punches in the face. I think usually one punch in the face is better than two.

I know that one isn’t ideal but it’s better than say seven. Seven punches would be annoying.

Anyway back to the point. He decided to write a post totally without planning and by just writing and so this whole post is and has been an attempt at just that. It’s good advice I think to just write when you can’t think of anything to write. I mean writing something is better than writing nothing right? (You see if I had planned this post I would have included a lot less various forms of right/write in that last sentence but I didn’t so get over it)

Or maybe not. Maybe as you read this you are thinking what the heck is he talking about?! Maybe you are wishing I indeed did write nothing. If so I’m sorry for wasting your time. I will try to be better prepared and have a topic ready to go. My bad. Actually I'm not sorry. I am sorry for just lying to you though.

If you like this post then, well actually I think you are a little weird because it’s pretty rubbish.(Great I just alienated all my readers. Sorry Mum). But I gave it a go. Maybe it didn’t go to plan or maybe it went better. Maybe I just taught myself something about going for things even if they don’t work out the way you wanted.

Now I bet you are thinking that I wrote all that rubbish/genius stuff before about getting punched in the face just so I could come up with an amazing conclusion and a great life lesson about just going for it. But I didn’t.

Maybe I am just a genius. Or maybe not. Probably not actually.

Oh well.

You probably want to punch me in the face now.

Knowing God, knowing you. Aha! (Why God needs our love)

2011-06-01T11:28:00.002+01:00

Sometimes when talking about Jesus, the Bible and Christianity we use words that sometimes seem to feel natural but when we look closely are kind of awkward. Take ‘having a personal relationship with Jesus’ for example. We tell people that they need to have a personal relationship with the Lord but we aren’t told that any where in the Bible. So why do we use phrases like this? Where did it come from? Who invented it? And if it’s not Biblical should we come up with different phrases or should we be coming up with phrases at all?

But even if having a personal relationship with Jesus was written in the Bible maybe we should think more about what that means.

I can go long periods of not spending any time reading the Bible. I hear someone read from it and explain what it means every week in Church but I don’t sit down and take the time to read it for myself. I don’t go home after Church and then re read it again. Why don’t I? Does it even matter if I don’t? The Bible doesn’t tell us to have a quiet time every day.

The same for prayer. I don’t pray nearly as much as I should. And when I say that, I only say it to sound like I still pray at least a little. But I’m tricking you because really I don’t pray much at all. Every now and again. When I feel like it. Which is once every blue moon. And really how often do you see a blue moon?

So the main reason I don’t like using the phrase ‘having a personal relationship with Jesus’ is not because it may not be exactly written in the Bible but because I don’t want to have to put the effort in.

Why should I? I mean God is God after all. I am a person and therefore am going to be a huge mess up sometimes so shouldn’t God the perfect all knowing being be the one who pursues me all the time. Shouldn’t he know that I might just not want to do ‘Christian’, heck even just the right things all the time.

Or should I make the effort since he went to such great lengths to love me by coming to Earth and sacrificing himself for me? Should I be more grateful and show that by praying and reading my Bible more. Serving others more. Is that what having a personal relationship with God means? Me making the effort.

Which is it?

Yes.

What?

Yes.

It’s both?

Yeah, what if it is both? What if God’s grace is so amazing that he doesn’t need my love but still be so human that he does?

The best relationships you will have with other people are the ones where there is give and take. Which most of the time I am fine with if I’m just taking. When it comes to giving I’m a little reluctant. When it comes to God I am even more reluctant. I don’t want to give my time to God. I tell myself that if I read my Bible all the time I will become really fundamental. If I pray I will lose touch with reality and I will look weird. I’m afraid of what will happen to me if I give to you.

But what if by not doing those things I am missing out?

What if God actually does need me to do those things? What if when God pours his love out on us and we don’t return it, it’s not just me that loses out but also God? When we think of God we don’t tend to think of Him needing our love. But God became human. He became like us and I think he feels like us.

I don’t think He needs our love.

And yet I definitely do think He does.

Yes.

We usually have a hard time thinking of the trinity but if nothing else I think the trinity shows that even God needs others. Even God can’t survive without others. Even He isn’t really complete unless there are others in the equation.

And I like that idea of God. I like that idea because it means that when I need him I’m not just praying to a God that is distant. I’m not just bothering a God who doesn’t need anyone else and certainly doesn’t need me getting in his face about whether I should apply for a new job or move country or give more money away.

It’s hard for me to not think of another phrase other than having a relationship with God. So maybe it’s alright to think of it in those terms. Because relationships don’t work unless both people are in.

Why should that be any different with God?

Should I be surprised when I feel that God is far away when I am not spending time trying to get to know him. All of us just want to be known. Maybe the reason we do is because we are made in His image.

So does that mean God wants to be known?

Does it mean he needs to be known?

What do you think? Does that make God small or weak? Does it make God more approachable? Is it about being disciplined? What works for you?

Wishing the Rapture Would Have Raptured the Rapture.

2011-05-28T12:46:00.003+01:00

I for one am glad the rapture didn't happen last weekend. I have only got to mid way through Boy Meets World with Brittany and would have been pissed if I hadn't at least seen Corey and Topanga get married. Thankfully it looks like I will get there. As long as I do so before October 21st.

Heaven and Hell and the end of the world and Rapture are all words that have been branded about at one point or the other in the last couple of months or so.

For better or worse, there is an ongoing conversation right now all about the end of the world and what the next world will look like.

Of course this isn’t something new. People have been predicting the end of the world for what seems forever. People have been talking about who is ‘in’ and who is ‘out’ of Heaven and Hell for a long time. The conversation comes around and it will disappear (unlike the way we were supposed to during the rapture) and it will inevitably come around again. Perhaps though, the reason it has been so in the limelight is because it is the first time it has really come to our attention in the age of the internet.

For whatever reason though it has been exhausting. It has been tiring to think so much about Heaven and Hell and to think about the world ending. I am tired of hearing about it and I am tired of reading about it. And I think there is a reason why.

I think it is quite telling that when Jesus spoke he rarely mentioned Hell. It wasn’t something that he spent a great deal of time trying to explain. What he did spend a great deal of time doing was talking about Love. Talking about how to love each other better. How to treat others. He didn’t really deal with doctrine. He was interested in relationships and He was interested in healing. Feeding the hungry and healing the sick.

And maybe that is why I am so tired of talking about Hell and when the world will end. Maybe it is because it is a distraction from what we really should be doing.

Does Hell exist? I don’t know. Will everyone be saved? I don’t know. Apparantly it has been our job recently to decide those things. Thankfully it's not.

Of course there will be some who say that we are dealing with real people and that we need to warn them about Hell and we need to warn them that they need saved.

But truthfully I don’t want to be scared into following Jesus. I want to follow Him because he loves me. I want to love people so they don’t go to Hell, right now.

None of us can be certain of what Heaven and Hell will be like. We just can’t. If the Bible was so clear on it we wouldn’t still be debating it.

But the Bible is clear on how to treat each other. Jesus was very clear about that.

If we preached more about a God that loves us so much that he is continuously pursuing us and is constantly longing for us and not waiting to punish us for all eternity, maybe we would be less interested in proving our point and more in following Jesus.

In the story of the Prodigal Son the father was always waiting for his son to return. Every day he was keeping an eye out for him. And when he did return he ran after him.

That’s Love. That’s a God who doesn’t give up on us because we are worth it. Not a God who is just dying to end the world so He can punish us.

The world was supposed to end last weekend. When you make a statement that world is going to end you are really saying that God has had enough and His patience has ran out.

Well we are still here and I don’t think His patience has ran out. If that is a sign of anything I think it is a sign that God still cares and isn't ready to give up. I think we should forget about proving what we think about Heaven and Hell is correct and focus on the one thing we do know. That we are to love each other and share Jesus love with people.

Are you ready for Jesus return? Maybe that’s the wrong question.

Maybe we should be asking,

Is God ready to return?

Why Jim Wallis is right (and wrong) and why gay is the new love wins

2011-05-18T15:33:00.004+01:00

I had expected it to be at least a while before us Christians started causing controversy again, after the Rob Bell/ Love Wins debate took over our lives in March. But now that we have become bored with that it seems we have now found someone else to vilify.

In this case it is Sojourners founder Jim Wallis, who has created a storm by refusing to include an advertisement on their website from Believe Out Loud, encouraging Churches to be open to Gay and Lesbian people.

This has caused quite a stir to many who don’t understand how an organisation like Sojourners can not include an ad that promotes inclusiveness in Church, while the board of Sojourners are afraid it will distract from other issues in which they are focused on.

But who is right?

And who is wrong?

Or are both sides equally right and wrong?

From the point of view of Sojourners they are probably in their right to refuse to show the ad. Sojourners has never really been about these types of issues. These discussions aren’t ones I would have expected to find on their website and so I’m not really sure why some people are so upset. Would it be odd if a charity promoting the safety and care of animals refused to show the advert? Not really. So should Sojourners be any different?

Saying that, would it have really hurt them to show the advert? Even if this issue isn’t one that they directly are working on, it is hard to not see how it would fit in, in a general sense with the organisations ethos. Despite what people may think, Jim Wallis can be conservative on certain issues and in the past he has shown this to be the case regarding Gay and Lesbian discussions in the Church. So we shouldn’t be that surprised that they made their decision. But this isn’t really a discussion about whether it is right or wrong to be gay. It is about whether people who are, should we made to feel welcome and loved in the Church.

I think it was a mistake however not to show the advert. I think the advert was very moving and I wish that more Church leaders would act like the Pastor at the end of the ad. Sadly I don’t think this is generally true of reality. I think no matter what you believe about being homosexual, God’s love is for everyone. This is the message I feel the ad was promoting and it is one that Christians everywhere should exhibit.

Which also as it happens includes the ones criticising Jim Wallis. Some of the comments have been very negative and harsh and when Christians who support a campaign that is trying to encourage inclusiveness and then fail to offer the same to someone whom they disagree with, it’s kind of hypocritical.

But then again this has always been our problem. Our problem is having civil discussion with each other. A discussion where we can strongly disagree with someone but not end up hating them.

It would be a shame if some of Sojourners detractors would stop supporting the great work that they are doing just because of their stance on one issue.

Just as it is for Sojourners not to show an ad that is refreshing and showing a sign of Church that we should all be aiming for.

So what is the solution? What has been your experience with this issue in your Church? Do you think we are afraid of something deeper? What are your thoughts on opening church to everyone?

Heaven a hard time with the afterlife?

2011-05-18T15:23:00.002+01:00

In March Rob Bell released a book called Love Wins.

The controversy around the book was, well let’s just say a little heated. In the book, we were told, Rob Bell claimed he didn’t believe in Hell (he does). We were also told that he claimed that everyone will be saved (he didn’t quite). We were also told that he had lost it and that it was time that we finally cut him loose. (Thankfully we didn’t).

Everyone was reporting on it. Bloggers wrote post after post about it. (My hand is up here) Famous Christian Pastors tweeted their opinions. Every news channel in the US ran the story at one point or the other. It was even trending on Twitter.

Even I as a big fan of Rob Bell was sick of the sight of him.

A Pastor wrote a book that suggested that maybe God didn’t want to punish us but wanted the entire world to feel his love and embrace it; a book that encouraged us to live life so that we didn’t create Hell for ourselves and others, right now, here, on Earth. A book that gave us hope that God’s love isn’t exhaustive.

And when he did, some people tore him apart. Some Christians tore him apart.

So it can come as no surprise then that when Stephen Hawking came out and declared that there was no Heaven, there were those who came down on him even heavier.

Except… they didn’t.

The Christian blogs are surprisingly quiet on the matter. Apart from a few voices giving their opinion there is not much being said. Which is odd considering Stephen Hawking is denying, that the one thing that all Christians can agree on, isn’t real.

You may not agree with his perspective but at least Rob Bell is hopeful. Hopeful for restoration, for a future where pain of every kind is gone. Stephen Hawking shuts that possibility down when he says there is no Heaven.

Or does he?

What if he has a point? What if he has a point and he doesn’t even realise it?

What if the idea that most of us have of Heaven is wrong? Does the Heaven that many of us believe in, even exist?

In the same interview with the Guardian that Stephen Hawking denied the existence of an afterlife he also stressed the importance of fulfilling our potential on Earth, by making the most of our lives. Which seems to me to be a huge challenge if there is no Heaven. If there is no God, if there is no hope that someday everything will be restored the way God intended, then what is the point?

But how as Christians should we approach the future? How should we view Heaven and how should we approach how we live?

If we see Heaven as a place like Stephen Hawking imagines that we imagine it (I hope you followed that); I don’t know what exactly we have to live for. Is it just so we can evangelise to other people? Does the view of Heaven where we go somewhere else for eternity allow us to live in this life for something more than just ‘winning souls?’ Does that view of Heaven force us, subconsciously to not care about justice or the poor or the weak? Does it leave anything for our physical and emotional wellbeing here and now, rather than just our souls, there and then?

Or is Heaven more? Is eternity not just a place where we go but a place which comes and meets us? A place that comes and meets us, yes sometime in the future but just as importantly today and tomorrow. Is it when God’s perfect Heaven finally comes down and interconnects with our imperfect world; restoring it, not so the things that matter on Earth become obsolete, but become real and full of new life.

If that is the Heaven we live for then that changes everything. It starts now and is fulfilled when Christ rejoins us on Earth.

It means that our job is to bring that about from now in our words, our actions, in how we care for the poor, in how we fight for the people who are being trafficked, in how we help our friend be restored through their addictions, in how we meet and worship together, how we pray and how we love.

What do you think about what Heaven is like? And how does that impact what you think is important for Christians to work for?

What if the whole time that we are waiting for Heaven, Heaven is actually so close we can touch it?

For the kittens- It's Masturbation Month.

2011-05-14T00:07:00.007+01:00

It is that time of the year again. When the sun starts to come out of hiding. When the flowers start to bloom. When we dust off the bbq and when…ahem we are supposed to masturbate?!

Mmm. Wow. Sorry folks. I don’t know how that got in there.

But yes! May is the official national masturbation month. The time set aside for everyone to join in the mass debate (see what I did there).

If you know a bit of my story then you know that porn and masturbation are things that I have had struggles with and things that I still to some degree struggle with today. Porn and masturbation are still very much taboo subjects in the church. Some people don’t like to talk about such things. Which is fine I guess, unless of course you are finding it difficult to quit when you really want to, and when the only way to actually beat it is to be open about your struggles. When you’re falling deeper and deeper into an addiction you thought would never get you and now you find yourself hating yourself, hating God and ending up wondering who the person staring back at you in the mirror is.

Then, of course, it isn’t so good to not talk about such things.

So this May, instead of promoting masturbation I want to encourage you to give it up. Give it up for one month, if that sounds too much try a week, a day even. Just stop spanking your monkey long enough to see how it changes how you feel about yourself. But of course there needs to be good reasons to quit and below I have come up with 3 excellent reasons why you should give masturbation the heave ho this May.

1/ It is a well known fact that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Kitten’s are cute and the thought alone of a poor kitten dying because of you, should be enough of a motivation to stop. Masturbation is making kittens extinct. I certainly don’t want that blood on my hands.

2/ No, masturbating won’t make you go blind or make hairs grow on your palms. But it will encourage you to lust. It will mean you start to objectify women in your head. It will mean that you won’t have a healthy respect for your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse. Give me hairy palms any day.

3/ Masturbation isn’t usually done in isolation. Usually there are triggers such as porn. So even if you do masturbate without any, how can I put this, help, eventually you will need porn. And that will eventually lead to finding yourself looking at porn more and more, which could lead to addiction, which will lead to despair, low self esteem, an unrealistic view of sex, stronger porn, even lower self esteem, isolation from others, and more porn. I could go on. Needless to say it’s a vicious circle.

So there you have it. Happy (Non)Masturbation month of May everyone. Who is willing to take up the challenge?

And remember, if for nothing else. Do it for the kittens.

Rally To Restore Unity: A Blogging call for Christian Unity

2011-05-05T13:00:00.003+01:00

The Church has many problems right now. How do we react to Osama‘s death, do we believe in Hell or not, sex scandals and how do we get Pastor Ed Young to stop making those videos? Perhaps the most troubling issue in the Christian Church today.

And as much as those issues are important maybe an underlying issue with resolving those is how we deal with each other. Namely how do we disagree with each other?

This week Rachel Held Evans, an author and blogger is holding the ‘Rally to Restore Unity’. A week long blog event where bloggers write about how Christians can get back some unity with each other. To be honest it’s a pretty big and daunting task but one I think is worthwhile and critical. So I’m glad she had the vision to do this. (Check out her page and the hundreds of amazing signs and blogs for the rally. It's pretty exciting and inspiring).

But the truth is it won’t be successful unless we all have the same vision.

And to do that we all need to stop and look at ourselves instead of looking at the people we disagree with.

One thing that people outside looking into the Christian circus find hard to fathom is why we fight with each other so much. I mean all families fight with each other at some point but is it even possible to disagree with each other and still like each other?

So first up, before I come across all judgemental let me say this. The person I know that finds it harder to disagree with people kindly and with respect the most, is myself.

I like to think I have ideas about God that are so new and fresh and then when I hear someone speak truth about God that is traditional and been around for a while, I think, ‘How old fashioned of them! They don’t really know God at all. I bet they are the kind of person that trashed the religion episode of Glee! They are so blind.’

And I shut my ears to them.

And when big names in the Christian world come along and write books about God that say things that are maybe taking a different perspective than other big Christian names, I side with the former and think how judgemental the latter is.

Which makes me…you guessed it. Judgemental.

No wonder we have so many problems when our actions and thoughts are in direct opposition to who we say we are.

I think God’s love and this community that we have called the Church is so big and so expansive that it allows us to be different. It even allows us to have different opinions than each other on what Christianity represents and how it should be.

Jesus got this.

He spent his whole ministry and life with his followers dealing with this. So many times they had the wrong idea. Many times they thought Jesus was going to come and break down the Roman Empire and give them their just desserts. But he didn’t. Well at least not in the way they thought he would.

Many times the Pharisees were outraged when Jesus hung out with sinners and the all time lowest of the world, but time and time again Jesus turned the tables (sometimes literally) on the way the Pharisee’s saw the world.

A Whiter Shade of Black

It’s easy to judge the Pharisees. But even the disciples didn’t understand Jesus much of the time. They tried to stop children from approaching Jesus for Pete’s sake. Time and time again they were way off.

Which to me shows that we all can get it so wrong. We all can get it so backward. And if we get to a place where we realise that, then maybe we will be less likely to judge each other.

And that’s cool. It’s easy when we are just wrong.

But what about when it’s not so black and white?

Well I think it works the same way.

I think we need to still come to a place where we know that only Jesus hit the bullseye every time. When that happens we can disagree with each other but not have to attack each other. We are free to say ‘I’m not sure what you are saying is true’, and not then turn around and say ‘You are dangerous and I want nothing more to do with you’. Or we can hear people disagreeing with us and can then say ‘Let me hear what you think. Your opinion is important to me.’

No matter how much we might disagree with it.

When did we get to a place where disagreeing with someone and respecting them and being open and kind became mutually exclusive?

So does that mean we just have to agree with each other all the time?

No.

And if you don’t agree with me?

That’s cool.

P.S. This whole thing is about looking beyond ourselves and remembering that even within our disagreements and differences, there are some things that we all need to agree on. Like justice and clean water. That is why you should take the time to donate to head over to the Rally to Restore Unity Charity:Water page and allow more people the chance to drink clean water..And if you don't. I will still love you. But I'll love you a little more if you do.

Quick! Stop the Duke!

2011-04-29T06:05:00.000+01:00

It may not be everyone’s cup of Earl Grey but it’s hard to not notice that today is the Royal wedding.

The day when everyone will be glued to their sofas and watching Young Willy and Katie tie the knot? Otherwise we would have got up and done something else.

Right?

Well maybe, but for some of us we will be working or washing our hair (what! are you washing each hair individually that you can’t spare an hour?) or doing anything, and I mean anything else.

But if you have nothing planned for the day but want to avoid it like you would want to avoid…well the Royal wedding for example, then here is some friendly advice to help you get through the day.

1/ A bit drastic perhaps, but to avoid all the tension and the stress of the Royal Wedding; why not plan to get married yourself on the same day, and replace all the Wedding jitters with your very own SAS rescue style stress and nervousness. On the other hand, for people who don’t want to go to your wedding then the pre prepared ’awh sorry I’ve got another wedding that day already’ excuse for not attending is just perfect. Although, when your mother uses that excuse….

2/ Act like your awkward friend from school who always turned up at birthday parties a day late and start to throw a street party on Saturday morning. Or at least pretend to, so when your neighbour gingerly informs you that the wedding was yesterday, you can quickly pack up and at the very least got to seem to your friends that you made the effort, but without the expense and the actual caring.

3/ Do throw a street party, get your friends to dress up as the wedding party and invite your creepy Uncle Barry* to play the part of the Duke of Edinburgh. This will give the party the realistic feel and tension that the Royal Wedding will inevitably have with old crazy talk Phil there. Who will he offend? What will he do next? Who’s going to keep him away from the Bride’s mother? These are all questions and problems you will need to deal with. Even let him make a speech if you are really brave. It will probably not be up to the standard of Harry and his Nazi cross dressing tom foolery tales, but it’s the best you can do at such short notice.

4/ Take advantage of the vacant streets, beat the queues, because there are none and head to Oxford Street for some shopping .

5/ Take advantage of the vacant banks, beat the queues and rob a bank.**

6/ Host an alternative party and play a game where each of you has to out offend each other with racist and culturally ignorant remarks called “Whose Duke of Edinburgh line is it anyway?"

So there you have it. This isn’t an exhaustive list of ideas of course, but I hope that it has at least got you started for the big day. I will of course be watching the extended highlights with all the goals and sending offs, later that night hosted by Colin Murray. And I wait in excited anticipation for the Royal celebrity episode of Wife Swap this Christmas, where Kate travels to Qatar giving her the chance to experience a different lifestyle, one where she will be required to do the job of twenty seven wives.

But I do honestly hope that Willy and Katie have a memorable day and an amazing life together.

See. I do care.

*Uncle Barry is a fictional character. Any resemblance to anyone’s real creepy Uncle Barry is purely coincidental.
** Of course it would be much easier and less time consuming with the whole prison thing later, if you just use your card.

Getting in the ring with Jesus on Easter

2011-04-24T10:02:00.000+01:00

This Easter I will be celebrating Jesus by not getting up at 5am to go to a dawn service. Jesus loved sleep and I see no better way than showing my gratitude for his love by catching some zzz’s. (No wait, that was Jesus wept.) All of course before waking and having a breakfast feast of honey nut loops sprinkled with Cadbury’s mini eggs.

You think I am joking!

And I am.

But today is the day that we spend celebrating Jesus coming back to life and offering all of us a chance to partake in a new life in him.

The chance to be part of his Kingdom and to love God and love others right here and now. The chance to have our sins forgiven and to start anew.

But is that really the point of Easter?

Well yeah I think so. But is it the only point?

Just like getting a ridiculously bad stomach ache and putting on near a stone of pure Malteaster bunnies in one day is just a part of the Easter experience; so securing our free pass to Heaven is not the whole story.

There is more. A lot more.

Sometimes we talk of God’s amazing, unconditional, never ending love for us in a way that actually makes it smaller than it really is. We limit it. We make it about having our sins forgiven or about the reason we get a shot at getting into Heaven.

But isn’t there more to it than that? I mean that’s a pretty great reason for it. None of us deserve grace but yet we still get it. But I think the good news is so good because most of the time we haven’t begun to scratch the surface with Jesus.

We make the gospel sound a bit like eating pizza the day after the night before. It’s still really really amazing, but when it’s served to you freshly made in a restaurant in Chicago, it’s out of this world.

That excites me.

Jesus, not just pizza.

Say what you mean, why don’t you

I had a hard time this week with a few things. Some of my own making, some of just my own negativity and some just life’s circumstances. And I wanted to yell at God. I’d had enough and I wanted him to stop being so quiet. I’d had enough of feeling like crap when it came to him. I was frustrated and I was pissed off at God.

I’d had enough and he was doing nothing about it.

Which is why what we remember this weekend is such good news.

For me this Easter it is good news because I can be angry in front of God. I can tell him exactly how I feel.

Sometimes we overprotect God. Like he can’t handle it. A lot of the time we’re not encouraged to talk about our doubts. As if God would try and change the subject if we came to him and said ‘Why?‘ or ‘I just don’t get it’. Sometimes we aren’t allowed to ask questions. We’re told to pray more or just have more faith. But doubt is not the opposite of faith, it is part of it.

So when we have doubts or anger towards God and we hide them, we aren’t being real. We’re acting like some things would get in the way of Jesus loving us.

But Jesus death and resurrection set us free from that.

It allows us to be real with the creator of the Universe.

This week I needed to remember that when Jesus died, he tore apart the separation that exists between him and us. When Jesus died, the curtain in the temple, the one that divided God from direct contact with his people, was torn in two.

This means now we don’t have to hide from God. This means now we can be open and spill our guts. Even if that means venting out to him. This means that our relationship with him is real and honest.

No more barriers.

And maybe this Easter the good news that some of us need to hear is simply that God can handle it. When Jesus told us to come to him with everything in prayer this is what he meant. That we are free to worship him and thank him just as much as the times when we want to yell at him out of anger or frustration.

We suppress our anger at situations or our doubts about life; when in fact a lot of the times that people in the Bible became close to God was when they were upset or angry or confused with God.

In the blue corner…

Have you ever fought with God? And I don’t mean the ‘we fell out because he bad talked me behind my back’ type of fought. I mean actually physically fought with God? One person trying to beat up another type of fought? No? I thought not.

But Jacob did. Jacob spent a whole night doing just that with God.

And you can’t fight someone if they are far away or distant. They are close and right in your face and it is actually a very intimate thing.

Could it be that the time we are closest to God is when we are fighting him? When we are pushing and pulling against him.
When we are angry with life and yelling out to God.

And how often do we find ourselves in situations like that?

When what we thought was God leading us into a job or opportunity, turns out to be a dead end. When the illness that had left our body comes back stronger than before. When the girl we thought was going to make us happy for the rest of our lives turns around and says ‘see ya’.

These situations make us angry and upset and confused. And they often should. Because if they don’t then we are numb to life.

Does Jesus death and resurrection accomplish more than a ride out of here?

I hope so.

I hope it means that God cares about where I am. That he doesn’t just want me to show up and sing worship songs to him. Because let’s be honest a lot of the time we don’t feel like singing. Sometimes we want to cry. Sometimes we want to scream. Sometimes we want to yell. Just read the Psalms if you don’t believe me.

And that’s ok.

Because I’d rather wrestle with God than eat cold pizza any day.

Happy Easter to that.

When Rob Bell went too far(sighted)

2011-04-19T05:46:00.002+01:00

Like many of you I have been very concerned with some of what we have been witnessing in the media, and seeing in interviews and television shows regarding Rob Bell.

I am a huge Rob Bell fan and his books have inspired me to think and live out what it means to be a Christian more than any other writer ever. But since his latest book Love Wins was released I have noticed an alarming change. Where once I knew that Rob would be coming from a place that I could trust what he says, recent events have caused me to consider that there may be another side to him that I am not so comfortable with.

He has a huge following and has done a lot of good, that can not be denied; but very subtly I have seen a shift in him. It is one that is extremely dangerous and will undoubtedly worry many of us throughout the world of Christianity.

Perhaps John Piper was onto something.

I first noticed this alarming shift when I watched a video of him answering questions about Love Wins in Nashville on his recent tour to promote the book. My initial concerns were then intensified when I saw a picture of him signing copies of Love Wins at a bookstore. My biggest fear was then shown to be sadly true as I watched and listened to another interview that was broadcast online.

Friends, I am afraid to declare that Rob Bell seems to be abandoning some of Christianity’s great theological roots.

Bonheoffer will be turning in his grave.

Because it seems that Rob Bell is giving up his trademark glasses!

I know. I know. This is truly shocking. But the evidence is undeniable. For years he has inadvertently encouraged pastors to buy thick rimmed glasses to be more hip with their congregations, only now to seemingly turn against everything he has believed in.

He has even been a great influence in my own glass wear choices over the last few years. I wouldn’t have bought my first pair of Ray Bans if it wasn’t for him.

Sure there are pastors like John Piper who come from a long background of pretty conservative thinnly rimmed spectacle theologians. And while there has been some discussion over whether you can still remain part of the reformed tradition while wearing the more emergent thick stylish glasses, the two traditions have been able to co exist, somewhat peacefully.

However, it seems now that Bell has really lost the plot by refusing to wear glasses at all.

Reports on whether he has gone for contacts or laser surgery are still unconfirmed.

I just wanted to warn you all but I am at least glad that there is now a conversation taking place about pastors and spectacles, that was much needed.

However I can not ignore the blatant disregard Rob Bell has for all of us now in the glasses wearing Christian community.

See ya, Rob Bell.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

2011-04-13T06:36:00.000+01:00

Living in Northern Ireland has its perks. Like everyone seems to know each other. It also has its down sides. Like everyone seems to know each other.

But if it is churches you are looking for you have come to the right place. You can’t swing a belt made of Bibles (a Bible Belt if you will) without hitting a church. Not that I encourage the throwing of Bibles at Churches of course.

But do we have too many? Or do we actually have too few? Do we feel welcome in Churches? Would we be comfortable bringing our friends? Or is that the wrong question? Should the question be, are we living our lives as a Church that naturally includes our friends?

If you are looking for a Church that is pretty traditional and conservative you can take your pick. If you are looking for a church that is a really lively, charismatic and sing the brand new Hillsong music every week then you can take your pick too. It would seem that there is a type of church in Northern Ireland that can suit anyone and everyone.

But is that really the case?

Or is it just that there are plenty of churches that cater for…other Christians?

We love to talk about inviting our friends to church. We love to pimp up our church as fresh, new and relevant. We love to think we are different.

But are we?

Would any of your friends who don’t believe in God be comfortable going to your church with people raising their hands to God?

Sometimes church is just a place for Christians to come and catch up, sing and listen to someone talk for a bit. There is nothing wrong with that and there is no denying that church services can be very powerful. That in moments of worship or teaching or communion etc. we can experience God in a fresh, unique way that connects us with him and with the people around us. It can be amazing. Most of us though have gone to church our whole lives and are comfortable to some degree with that sort of thing. A lot more of us aren’t.

Making church livelier or hip seems to be the obvious answer when we are looking at new ways to get people interested in our church. We talk about relevancy as if old hymns have become outdated. As if our church forefathers were old fogies who never smiled and thought clapping was of the devil. We introduce drums and lights to attract people. Again nothing wrong with those things.

But that’s not the issue to getting people interested in coming in our church. In fact getting people into our church isn’t even the issue. The issue is how do we introduce people to Jesus through how we do church.

Maybe the questions should be

What if we went to church everyday?

What I mean is, what if everyday we lived our lives in a community with other Christians and together we lived in community with people who aren’t Christians?

What if church meant everyone? What if church was not a service but a way of life? Where everyone is in. What if we are in church when

we go to work.
we go to a gig.
we go to the pub.
we go to the gym.
we are walking down my street.
We invite our friend around for dinner because they have been working 60 hours this week.
We buy groceries for our neighbours who are struggling this month to make rent.

That’s a church I can see myself being a part of. One where we don’t just worship God by singing David Crowder songs but by living with and for others.

But let’s be honest that’s hard.

And maybe that’s why we haven’t been very good at it.

I sometimes think what it would be like if there was no church on a Sunday. What if the culture of getting up on a Sunday morning never existed? Maybe it would force us out of our pews and actually live like Christ in our everyday lives and maybe by doing that we would see Jesus released out into the world.

Obviously we can and should do both. But sometimes I think we get caught up in Sunday mornings so much so that we forget about the other days of the week.

Is our Jesus bigger than a Sunday for an hour or two?

Are we holding Jesus back?

Is that how you would see Church? How would you do church differently? Would church still be church if the focus wasn’t on a Sunday service?

God hates everything

2011-04-08T00:02:00.000+01:00

A couple of days ago I was thrilled to see that Louis Theroux had made another tv show with the Phelps family, for the BBC. If you don’t know who they are, imagine the Waltons, and then imagine the exact opposite.

You’re kind of close now.

They’re famous as the ‘church’ from Topeka, Kansas who essentially claim to be the only ones on earth who truly know God. They picket the funerals of soldiers. They hate everything that isn’t them. Everything and everyone else is wrong.

But where they are really at home is when they get to wave around their ‘God hates…..’ plackards.

We hear a lot about God’s love for all of his creation. Cool. But what about the things that God hates. I for one am glad that they can enlighten us.

But sadly for every ‘God hates Sweden’ (no, I’m not kidding. They obviously haven’t tried Ikeas meatballs), there have been hundreds of ideas that haven’t reached the sign making stage.

But today I can exclusively reveal some of the ones that didn’t make it past the cutting board.

1. God hates pigeons

Sure, God made puppies and bunnies and butterflies but he won’t take ownership of the pigeon. That one is truly of the devil. Sorry but it’s true. And if you’re still using pigeons to send messages maybe you need to get on twitter. Just sayin.

2. God hates the letter ‘q’

There is no need for it when we have the letters ‘k’ and ‘w’. Words like quick can easily be transformed into kwick. Or quantifiable can now be kwantifiable. Plus it would make all of our lives a heck of a lot easier when playing scrabble. It’s also a fact that the letter Q is not found anywhere in the Bible. Mmm I think. So let’s join God and kwit using the letter Q.

3. God hates ‘baby on board car stickers’**

There you are happily driving along the street doing 100 and steering using your tongue, while you try and think of a good word using the letter q as you play scrabble on your iphone; when you notice the sticker on the car in front of you. Thank goodness for that sticker because I just felt like driving recklessly today. Stickers save lives.

4. God hates ‘not being able to find the start of the sellotape’

Enough said.

There are plenty of other things that God hates like racism, poverty, human trafficking and Aids. But it’s not good to focus too much on those things when we need to worry about people out there who have different opinions than you.

It is worthwhile though I think to remember now and again that God hates a lot of things.

Just don’t kwote me on that.

* at least 73.6% of this post was sarcastic in its tone.
** thanks Brittany

Rebecca Black, the internet and why we should care more

2011-04-03T16:20:00.000+01:00

"Hey do you remember Rebecca Black?"

"Who?"

"Rebecca Black, she was that kid who released a song on the internet about Saturday or choosing a seat or something?"

"mmm nah, doesn't ring a bell"

"You know, it sounded a bit like that Justin Bieber song?"

"Who's Justin Bieber"?

"You know he released that song that sounded just like that Rebecca Black song about

Wednesdays or something, he had that guy method man rap on it"

"Oh yeah!! But I think that was Ludicrous"

"Yep, it was ridiculous alright"

Maybe this is a conversation you and I will have in a few years but right now Rebecca Black is all up in our faces. Apart from a few health and safety concerns with sitting in the back seat of a car, seatbelt issues and underage driving (seriously what age is that kid in the video), I don't really have a problem with the song. It's pretty catchy and I have even found myself humming it, in my head, not out loud, eh, ahem.

But the nature of the internet is such that things come and go and there are things we argue (I mean discuss) about for a while as if they will decide the fate of humanity, but then... nothing.

Which is both a good and a bad thing.

Rob Bell is still spreading his message of Love Wins but even John Piper isn't tweeting about it anymore. I haven't heard anything about Japan in a while and statistics show that Rebecca Black is now only annoying to 50% of the world's population.

Which got me thinking? What things in my life do I only care about for a while?

About three years ago my wife showed me a documentary called Invisible Children. It was about a man called Joseph Kony who has kidnapped thousands of children and forced them to fight in his rebel army, the LRA. It was moving and hard to watch. It inspired us to want to get involved. So we did. We walked through the streets of Dublin with hundreds of other kids to highlight the children being abducted. We slept under the stars in a field in Dublin to stand with the abducted children. I even went to London for a couple months to intern with them. Then when I came home we ran some screenings for schools and Uni's.

When we walked through Dublin with people staring at us and asking what the heck we were doing it was thrilling. When we slept under the stars it was, well, cold but also inthralling. When I worked directly with Invisible Children it was life changing.

But then something changed.

Where before I would check the weekly updates on the situation in the Congo to keep uptodate and informed, now I was watching music videos about which mode of transport to choose to travel to school.

Invisible Children dropped off my radar.

Now there were some good reasons such as, I got married and I moved in with a girl (my wife, just to save confusion).

But this raises a question.

Did I only care about the plight of child soldiers when it made me feel good? Was I really thinking about the children at all?

Which raises another question.

What else in my life do I only care about when it is making me feel good?

My marriage? writing? working with xxxchurch? my family and friends? Jesus?

The truth is, the things that make us feel great, that make us feel glad to be a person, alive and breathing, that we care deeply about are exactly the things that require us to work at.

My marriage requires me to make quality time with my wife, the feeling of creating a community and helping people with my writing needs me to get up early everyday and actually sit down and write. Having a fulfilling relationship with my family and friends requires me to take the initiative and ask them how they are doing.

What is it that you care about? What is it that inspres you to take action and live a certain way?

Maybe it is a worthy cause. Maybe it is your job. Maybe it is Jesus?

Whatever it is, my hope for you is that it doesn't become just next weeks twitter trend.

Lent blog party Day 8. slow is the new fast

2011-03-16T22:19:00.000Z

So a little bit of free advice. When you begin the next day of the Mars Hill Lent plan, make sure to check it out the night before.

Anyway, as I sat down at about ten thirty this morning eating my bowl of frosties eager to check out what my lent challenge was today, I was a little bit disheartened to see that today I had to fast during daylight hours. Oops. Fail.

Moving on I decided to finish up and start afresh, so I did. I didn't eat for the rest of the day until about six in the evening. The last time I fasted I felt like I learned a lot. This time I didn't. Maybe it was the length of time, maybe it was the fact I wasn't really prepared. But I didn't feel any different doing it. Unlike last time where I could see and feel God moving me and changing me.

But maybe this time that wasn't the point. Maybe how I feel God is speaking to me about me was not the point.

It's only now that I am writing this do I think it has hit me.

So I went a few hours without food. Big deal. I had a bowl of frosties then a few hours later I had fish and chips for dinner. Oh and a cupcake for dessert. Woopdy doo! And did I mention I drank fruit juice during the day to replace food?

Maybe this time God is telling me though that I have enough. Maybe he is reminding me that there are people who have nothing.

I've said I think this lent will be about reminders for me and so far I have been proven right. Reminders that God is big enough to deal with anything. Reminders that God loves me. And today, a reminder that I don't need much. Not really.

Giving things up is what most people do for lent. But what if are required to go further? What if we are required to give things up and then use the resources (be it time, money, ourselves) to invest in others. What if we have only really begun to scratch the surface?

I'm not going to pretend that I do those things. Because I don't. Well certainly not as much as I think we are called to.

I am grateful that this lent there will be opportunities for us to do that. To be sacrificial, not for the sake of being sacrificial, but for the sake of others. I hope like everything on the calendar I won't just let it change me for forty days or so but my life will change so I love people better all the time.

So maybe the question is not, what are you giving up for lent, but who are you loving for lent?

Calling All Peacemakers. Lent blog party Day 7

2011-03-15T18:44:00.000Z

There aren't many things harder than realising you are wrong. That you screwed up. That you were a jerk. That you aren't everything you thought you were.

Well actually there is. Admitting that to someone else. Specifically the person you wronged.

Today's lent calendar task was one that was a potential banana skin for me on this lent journey but one that I knew that if I wanted to get anything out of this, I needed to do.

So I set about writing a letter to a friend from school that I had been a complete and utter jerk of the highest proportions to. Someone who I would have considered a best friend at one point. And someone who I rejected and made feel like crap. This isn't the place to go into details but know that I really was a jerk.

And saying sorry is a risky thing to do. Because you don't know how the other person will react. Will they accept it, will they have moved on and not care anymore or will they be angry that you even have the audacity to think you can fix the situation?

All things that I have considered. Of course reconcilliation at some level is our desired outcome but what if it doesn't happen that way. What if we do get burned? Does it matter? Is just making a move the important thing? Or for closure, does it require both parties to come together?

My mind says I did the thing that was important. I made a move. My heart however tells me that isn't enough.

To be honest at this moment I just don't know. Peacemaking is a tricky business which makes me glad that there are people far better than me who work daily in places and in sitautions where reconcilliation is a tricky business.

What about you? Have you ever said sorry and not got the response you desired? Or did it all end in a happy ending?

Love Wins, Love Wins, Love Wins

2011-03-09T18:16:00.000Z

Have you ever been in a place where you thought there was no hope and you couldn't get out?

If you have or currently are, then I know how you feel. I know because porn is a battle that I face daily. I've written a lot about porn and I will keep writing about it because it's something that I care about. Not porn itself of course but helping people get away from it. Being passionate about seeing myself and others be free and allowing Jesus to take control.

Porn is devestating.

There have been times that I have looked at porn and thought to myself, "This is it, this is all I will know".

If you are there right now, maybe not with porn but maybe something else, it sucks doesn't it? Thinking that there is no where to turn and no way to be fixed. You've tried everything but you still go back to the computer and the sites you have vowed never to go back to.

Or maybe you are stuck in a job you hate. You have a dream but you are stuck in a place every day that is slowly killing you. Or maybe you are struggling with an illness. Maybe things looked good for a while but the illness comes back. You thought it was beaten, but it wasn't.

It's in these times that it's hard to see Jesus. It's hard to see hope. You just want to give up.

If you're out and about today you probably saw a lot of people with weird marks on their forehead. But they are more than marks. They are crosses. But they are even more than crosses.

They are visible reminders that there is hope.

They are reminders that our sins are defeated.

Yeah they will tap you on the shoulder and try to convince you otherwise, but they are defeated.

Today is the start of Lent and I think this Lent is going to be all about reminders. So I am going to start living as if the cross actually happened. So often I forget my sin has been dealt with. The moments I sin are needless. They are me forgetting who I am and what Jesus death means.

Love Wins.

This Ash Wednesday that is what I am going to remember when I see a cross. That no matter how many times I screw up Love wins. No matter how often I feel like my life is going nowhere and I am stuck, Love wins. No matter how often I let myself believe the opposite. Love wins.

Love Wins.

Love Wins.

Love Wins.

I can't say it enough. Because we can't believe it enough.

Maybe before I can do anything, before I can start living the way Jesus wants me to or before the pain goes away, I need to remember that.

I think we all do.

Happy Ash Wednesday everyone.

Love Wins.

L.E.N.T. Giving up at giving up

2011-03-08T10:33:00.000Z

It was pointed out to me last night by Brittany that I am obsessed by time. This was made aware to me as we sat in the same restaurant that we had sat in almost a year ago for our anniversary. A year that has seemed like a week.

I am fascinated by time. I've found that the older you get the faster time goes by. It's really true. Did you know that by the end of this month we will be a quarter of the way through the year. Only three more of these and it will be Christmas again. Crazy right? ..No? Just me then.

But it's this obsession with time that reminded me that it is a year since Lent last year. Last year I attempted to follow the Lent experiential Calendar that Mars Hill (yep the Rob Bell Mars Hill) offered on their website. Rather than giving up one thing for Lent you got the chance to experience Lent and take action.

For me Lent is like the younger brother of New Year's resolutions. Just trying to do what they do because they look up to them, but always a bit later and not quite as cool. I think maybe its the religious thing.

Last year I wasn't so successful at Lent. I was really excited and ready to move closer to God but to be honest when it came to the calendar I picked the days when it asked me to do something that was pretty easy. Like pray for an issue I cared about or eat my weight in chocolate (ok that one I made up but wouldn't Lent be mush easier for us all, and the people around us if we had to eat more chocolate rather than less). Other days I passed by. Like calling someone I had fallen out with to make ammends with them.

Things like that are too hard. And sure, I was probably too busy that day.

You see when it comes to things like Lent I am so super excited because I see that finally I have a good reason to change the things about myself that I don't like. I love Christian festivals because they are reminders. We get caught up so much in our lives, in our struggles, in our jobs, in ourselves that we need reminded. Reminded of God.

To stop and reflect and listen for God and discover how we can love others.

But most of the time for the rest of the year I am always moving, I am not thinking and I drown God out with...well anything else. And I think of myself first.

This year I need Lent.

I need reminded.

And I don't want to forget.

(If you would like to follow the Mars Hill experiential calendar you can find it here. I'm going to do it and I would love you to do it with me. This Lent I'm going to write every day a bit about my experience and I want to share these with you, but wouldn't it be great if we could share them with each other. I'll write and you can leave comments about what you have been learning and we can help each other out. I'm calling it the great Lent blogging extravaganza 2011. Hope to see you there)

What's Love got to do with it?

2011-03-02T21:49:00.000Z

On top of a list of things you wouldn't want to say when you go round to the Pipers for dinner might be, "That Rob Bell fella is great isn't he?" or "Geez have you heard the latest Rob Bell sermon?..it's fantastic"

Rob Bell is fast becoming enemy number one in a lot of Evangelical/Calvinistic/Reformed circles these last few days and all because of his new book coming out later this month, Love Wins.

Rob has often been accused of holding some dodgy beliefs but this time for a lot of people he has gone too far. With just a release from his publisher and a short accompanying video, a lot of people have decided that Rob is a Universalist. In short, someone who believes that everyone will end up in Heaven.

I don't know if Rob is or isn't. I don't know what he believes. And the reason I don't is because I haven't read his book. And I'm not going to start talking about what someone believes even before it has been truly revealed. Maybe he is.

But this blog isn't really about Rob Bell. It's about how we live our lives as Christians. It's about how we love (yeah love, not just like or tolerate) the people we meet (or tweet about, hey that rhymes) every day in our lives.

You see theology is important. It's very important. But...sometimes we make it too important. Sometimes we forget that theology isn't the point of being a Christian. The problem that people have with the type of theology, which Rob Bell is accused of having, is that it takes away from Jesus death. That it is untrue to what the Bible says.

But what if in the middle of this whole debate we have missed something so much more important.

Jesus once said that the two greatest things we should do are Love God and then love others (Matt 22:37-40)

Maybe I am being naive but getting to Heaven isn't the point of being a Christian. Having the 'right' theology held by some Christians isn't the point. The point of being a Christian is Jesus.

The point of being a Christian is to follow his example. To love the people that nobody else gives a crap about. To give up our lives for something bigger than ourselves. To show compassion. To be with people who are hurting. To give our neighbour hope. To stand up for injustice. To help people be free from the things that are killing them daily.

To do all these things so that all people see in us, is Jesus.

At the risk of coming across all emergent like ; ) I am going to pose a question and not answer it outright.

What if we took Jesus commandments and loved God and loved others? What, if like Jesus said, we live each day following these two commandments, not as if they were the most important thing to Jesus, but because they are?

Maybe then theology wouldn't matter. Maybe then everyone would get to experience Heaven. Because love would be all the world would know and since Jesus is love, then the world would know Jesus.

You see people outside of Christian circles don't care about all this stuff. They wouldn't know the difference between a Calvinist and an emergent if they slapped them in the face with the Nicene Creed (if you don't know what that is well...exactly). Most people don't even think they need saving from anything.

What they do care about is being loved. About hurting. About finding real peace. About desiring joy.

If Jesus were to think anything about this whole Rob Bell debate, he might wonder when we got so distracted. When it was we rewrote his most important commandments to being "love God and make sure you get all your doctrine correct even though the word I left you can be fuzzy about a lot of this stuff" (I'm glad that wasn't one because that would have been hell learning in Sunday School)

So what if we did live that way?

I think in that case at least,

Love definately wins.

Not wanting to work for 'then' and the evils of 'now'

2011-02-19T12:56:00.000Z

Sometimes when you start a project, have an idea for a ministry or a goal in mind we expect to see the results now. But the things that are worth working at in life don't appear overnight.

They require us to work at. They require us not to give up. They demand persistance.

Most of the time when we see someone who has achieved something that we admire all we see is the final result. A favourite band releasing an amazing album. A runner beating her marathon record. And for us that is all that exists. Someone achieving something that we wish we could have done or at least similar to what we wish we could do.

That is our truth.

But that is probably not the artist's truth.

Their truth is probably a lot of sleepless nights, pages and pages of words written but then thrown out, arguments with bandmates, voices telling them they are not good as so and so, hours staring at a blank slate, hours on facebook 'liking' other people's status's rather than going out in the rain to run, people not replying to emails or calls.

But they work at it and finally, finally it comes together. And the world sees the result and is amazed at the gift or talent of the artist.

But they haven't seen the tears and sweat.

And so we tell ourselves we couldn't do that.

But we can. We all can.

We just need to persist.

Don't give up. We deserve to see your work.

Because it can be that good.

XXXchurch! Whaaa?

2011-02-16T15:54:00.000Z

If you have had a conversation with me in the past five or six years you would probably have heard me go on and on about xxxchurch.

You'll most likely have either looked at me blankly or been pretty interested and maybe even tentatively googled 'xxxchurch' afraid of just what you might find.

But I started to realise that a lot of you probably see my status's on facebook or my tweets and really don't know what the heck I am talking about. So you might ask yourself questions like

What is 'xxxchurch'? Is it an actual church? Why do I write about porn so much? What am I having for lunch?

I automatically assume that everyone else knows what xxxchurch is just because I am so passionate about this ministry.

So to cut a long story short xxxchurch save lives. They save lives of people addicted to porn. And when I say people I don't just mean creepy men in their homes. I mean kids, teenagers, men, women (yep even women) and some grannies. Porn really doesn't care who you are.

But xxxchurch saves lives by encouraging people to be open about their struggles and by allowing Jesus love to go into that dark place where porn currently resides.

Led by Craig Gross and a great team of volunteers and supporters they go into porn shows and hand out Bibles, they go into strip clubs and love on the women who work there. They travel the US with Ron Jeremy (the Porn King) and debate him, but more importantly afterwards be his friend. They talk about stuff that the rest of us don't want to admit or even think about. And they do it in Church.

I struggled with porn. I was brought up in a Christian home and I became a Christian like most Christians in Northern Ireland, about three or four times growing up. But yet I still looked at porn.

But xxxchurch saved my life because I realised I could open up about it. So I did. To friends. People I trusted. And they helped me and they loved me and they gave me hope.

And that is what xxxchurch does. They offer hope to those addicted to porn and those who are trapped making porn.

Recently the opportunity has arisen for me to be involved in some exciting things with xxxchurch in the UK. I have been blogging for them for nearly a year but now xxxchurch is crossing the pond.

A few of us from here and England are helping to set this up. I'm excited about what this could mean. I'm excited that this will mean people won't have to be afraid to talk about porn anymore. I'm excited because I know there are people here (and I mean just as much Christians as well as others) who need to know Jesus love, instead of porn.

So this November we want to do what Jesus did and go and love the outcasts. We're going into the Erotica Adult show in London. We're going to love on the people who we meet. Some of you will be horrified that we would do that. Some of you will hate it.

But hey W.W.J.D.?

I'm running the Belfast marathon with some great friends in May to help raise money for this. Please think about helping us. Please think about serving God in a way that is maybe totally counterintuitive to you.

It's time to talk openly about the Elephant in the pew.

Right on our doorstep

2011-01-12T13:52:00.002Z

So yesterday was January 11th which was the birthday of Mary J Blige and Rod Taylor (the actor from 'The Birds')

But more significantly than that (sorry guys) it was National Human Tafficking Awareness Day.

Human Trafficking has been the subject of quite a few discussion between Brittany and I recently, mostly because Brittany is writing her dissertation on the subject.

If you are anything like me you probably thought you were 'aware' of human trafficking. But I wasn't really.

I thought it was something that happened in Asia or somewhere like that but the truth is it is a problem on every continent in the world.

It's a problem in Northern Ireland! Yeah. Human trafficking right in our own country.

Right now someone is being trafficked in Ireland. Take a second to let that hit you.

I don't know about you but I think that is beyond shocking.

If human poverty was the big 'buzz' problem we were trying to eradicate in the world in the noughties, then human trafficking could well be the same for the 2010's.

Take a moment and read these crazy statistics and bear in mind that some other reports would have these figures a lot higher.

Maybe. Maybe but really not...maybe we could be forgiven for not doing anything if it was happening in a whole other part of the world. But it's not. It's happening here so we don't just have a responsibility to do something but we are required to.

Just because we are human beings.

As are the millions of woman and men and children that are being tafficked every day.

Let's make 2011 the year we start to make a dent in the human trafficking industry.

Constipation of the Mind

2011-01-09T22:07:00.002Z

You are reading this blog right now but to be honest you shouldn't be.

The words you are taking in were not meant to exist. The reason being that when I set out to write this blog I had something completely different to write about. Something that I hope will eventually come out but I am struggling to write now. It's my mind constipation.

The thing with writing or blogging is that it takes discipline. It requires making sure that for about an hour or so, three, four, five, gosh maybe seven days a week you sit down and right.

It takes commitment. It takes patience and most of all it just takes action. You only write because you sit down and write. You don't write because you have got all your jobs for the day out of the way. You don't write because you have a certain feng shui in your life that day. You don't write because you have lots of ideas running around in your head for good pieces. What is going on around you doesn't really matter.

You write because you sit down and write.

The same goes for studying for an exam, or for starting a business or for starting a non profit.

You do it because you do it.

There will be resistance, there will be voices telling you, you aren't able to do it (inner voices and not so inner). There will be other things you could do and there will be facebook.

But if you start to do whatever it is you are struggling to get into right now, I promise you will see something amazing happen. You will get into a swing. You will find ideas that you didn't know were possible come alive. You will surprise yourself of what you are capable of doing. You will learn. You will grow. You will go at it like a bullet, you will struggle to keep going....but if you do. You will succeed.

And the best thing is that if you are banging your head against a wall and can't seem to begin that project, job application, book, painting, ministry, then chances are you meant to be doing it.

So take comfort in that and remember beginning is the hardest part.

Now if you excuse me I have a blog to write...

New Year's Resolutions one week in/ Remembering how funny Flight of the Conchords is

2011-01-08T17:45:00.001Z

It has been just over three years since I began this blog.

A lot has changed. In one of my first blogs before a video of Flight of the Conchords I wrote this
"Thanks to my friend Brittany for introducing me to these funny New Zealanders"

My friend Brittany is now also my wife.

Which is amazing and a lot to change in your life.

Even though a lot has changed, a lot hasn't. I'm still working in the same job that I was three years ago, even though I have been wanting a change for a while. I still struggle to write even though I want to be a writer and in fact my blog posts was down in 2010 from 2009. I still struggle with my own self worth, with God, with love, with life.

This is a late New Year's post but I am excited about the year coming up.

Brittany and I have become part of a new Church Plant recently. Brittany is going to be finishing up with Uni and there is some really exciting potential xxxchurch stuff coming our way this year. I am still blogging for xxxchurch.com. I still have family and friends. I still have God.

So I have a lot to feel positive about even though a lot of the time I get bogged down by my own mistakes and doubts.

Many of you will have made New Year Resolutions this last week and a lot of you will have fallen behind on them already.

I just wanted to encourage you because a lot of people write about how to start New Year's Resolutions and how rosy everything will be, but not many write the "one week in and already I haven't been to the gym for three days failure" post.

This year may be the best of your life or the worst in your life.

But know that today doesn't have to define you. So what if you didn't go to the gym. Or you have stalled on Genesis 2 when you should be on Genesis 8, in your Bible Reading Plan.

Maybe in the past few years your life hasn't progressed like you would have wanted but tomorrow is a new day and God still loves you.

Time to live in that and move forward.

And on that note here is a video which my wife Brittany showed me when we were just friends.

A New Year's Humbug

2011-01-01T17:58:00.000Z

I'm not the biggest New Year's fan in the world.

In fact it's safe to say I do a great Scrooge impression. It's just a week late.

The last few New Year's I've just enjoyed being at home with some close friends and family and bringing the New Year in that way.

But my problem with New Year's Eve isn't anyone else. My main problem with New Year's Eve is myself.

With New Year comes the inevitable New Year's Resolutions. And with them comes the inevitable failure and let down. Most of the time if I make a resolution I end up making exactly the same resolution next year. So sure I maybe vow to run more and yeah perhaps for a week or two I do. But then I stop and I quickly fall away with my promises to myself. Or maybe I am determined to write more and for a few days I am writing blog after blog. But eventually sooner or later I get lazy and I end up rather sitting on my butt doing nothing, than write.

Now it's not that New Year's resolutions are bad. It's not even that they can't be done. But what is seeming more and clearly to me every year is that when it's left up to me, even my best intended plans will come to nothing.

Which is pretty depressing. Because when I focus on my own abilities I will just let myself down. And I will start to doubt that I am made for anything. Or I will start to beat up on myself because of my inability to follow through on the dreams I want to pursue. Or I will start to doubt my faith and God.

Which is all pretty selfish when you think about it.

Selfish because the focus is on me. Selfish because all my New Year's resolutions are set out to make me a better person. To make me feel superior or have worth.

As Christians we spend so much time trying to do rather than just being. We set out to read the Bible in a year but we get bored at Leviticus. Or we decide to pray more but when God doesn't seem to hear us we give up. Or even when we decide to do something for someone else we get frustrated when they don't change the way we want, to so we give up on them.

But thankfully for us God doesn't work like we do. He doesn't base his view of us on our New Year's Resolution success rate.

Which means we can be free to spend time in his presence and be, rather than doing what we think a good Christian should do.

This year when I think of the things I want to accomplish or the the things I want (or maybe just need) to change about myself I will try and remember that they aren't what make me who I am. It's the God who loves me no matter what that makes me who I am.

And when I eventually forget the optimism and hope I had, I can refocus on what I should have done in the first place.

It's a good thing to be better. There is nothing wrong with wanting to accomplish things this year.

The problem is when we try and do them for ourselves, by ourselves.

In 2011 and beyond, I don't want to make that mistake again.

Take Your Pick

2010-12-19T00:01:00.000Z

You were made for more.

Not for less or for just enough, but for more.

You have a dream (don’t tell me you don’t) and you have a desire to live for
something.

But that isn’t real.

It’s only real when you start to live it out.

It’s not about whether it’s successful or not. It’s about whether you start to
pursue it.

The same exists for porn.

You have a desire and a lust and it lives in your head.

The only difference between lust and your God given dreams is that when you
start to pursue lust, it goes nowhere. In fact it goes back.

When you start to pursue your God given dreams they start to come alive. They
start to breathe. Which mean you start to come alive and you start to breathe.

Today you have a choice. Today you can pursue something that leads to nothing
but heartache and inner turmoil or you can follow the life that comes from
something bigger and more incredible than you could imagine.

It’s that simple.

Take your pick.

Why Frankie Boyle should be allowed to say what he likes.

2010-12-12T19:59:00.000Z

So Frankie Boyle has done it again. He's gone and upset someone. This time it happens to be Jordan. On his new show Tramadol nights he made a joke that Jordan deemed too far, a joke about her and her family.

I watched the show on Wednesday night and even though I am a big Frankie Boyle fan, a lot of it was pretty close to the bone. I laughed at some jokes and I didn't laugh at others (even though I wanted to).

But it raises the question. How far is too far? How far is a comedian allowed to go in the name of comedy? Should there be some sort of comedy regulation, the comedy cops if you will? And this raises a wider question about free speech in general.

Jordan's reaction to the joke was hurt and to make a complaint to Ofcom and even get her lawyers involved. Frankie Boyle's was to stay silent. The publics' was a mix of disgust and a desire to see his show banned all the way to ...well to be honest I haven't seen many people (except Channel 4) come out publicly to support Frankie Boyle, most notably including himself.

But that isn't really the point.

When it comes to what people are allowed to say or not say I am firmly in the 'you are free to say whatever you like' camp. So Frankie Boyle is free to make jokes about whoever he likes, religious nuts are allowed to condemn and picket whoever they like and right wing groups are allowed to say whatever they like about other groups of people.

I've heard and seen a lot of people say that Frankie Boyle's show should be cancelled. But why?

If we take away free speach then where does that leave us? A lot of the time we focus on the negative stuff that would be wiped out. No free speech and we don't have to worry about groups like Westboro Baptist (I intentionally left out the Church part) because they are suddenly breaking the law and we can do something about it. People wouldn't be hurt because a comedian isn't allowed to say something mean about them.

But what does no free speech mean for the good stuff? It would be arrogant for Christians to assume that they could still go on evangelising for example. That could be offensive to Atheists and to people of other religions.

If free speech is stopped then we can't just assume that we can go on preaching about God's love or tell people about Jesus. We will inevitably offend somebody.

But a lot of the time as Christians we can't see this. We can't allow ourselves to seem weak so we fight it. We fight the right of others to free speech, others we see as 'wrong' and champion our own right to free speech because we see it as 'right'.

Sometimes there is clear wrong or right. Sometimes there are groups who are racist and prejudice (unfortunately some 'Christians'), there are people who just want to cause hurt and pain and who want to see a world where some people are seen as inferior (mmm, some Christians again?) and sometimes we just don't want to face up to people who are different than us (I think you can see where I am going with this).

But our job is not to take their right away to say what they like. Our job is to highlight injustice and to act differently. Our job is to not attack but love. Our job is to highlight the absurdity of some people and listen with love to others with whom we differ.

So Frankie Boyle should be free to make as many 'offensive' jokes as he like.

Because if he isn't then we better keep our mouths shut too.

What Wayne's World Can Teach Us About Faith

2010-12-05T11:14:00.000Z

One of my favourite movies, not just comedy but of any type of movie is Wayne's World. It's a Classic. But if I have to be honest it's probably the sequal, Wayne's World 2 that has maybe the most influential scene for me in a movie ever.

Ok that could be pushing it considering all the incredible movies that have changed the way we think and have shaped cinema as we know it. I'm thinking more the Halloweens and the L'assassination Du Duc De Guise's of our time here (yeah look it up) than the Troll 2's (rule 1 of titling a movie- make sure there is at least an element of the title in the movie) and the Glitter's.

But still, there is one scene or more precisely, one line in Wayne's World 2 that has changed the way I think about my life and how I live it. Let me paint the picture.

Our hero Wayne and his best friend Garth are planning to put on a huge rock show. They need a venue, money and of course most importantly bands. But they don't know how to do it. They have their doubts and they don't think it is possible to get the bands. Then Wayne has a dream and in it 'Jim Morrison' along with a a weird naked indian, delivers the line that changed my life.

"If you book them, they will come"

It seems so simple. Book the bands and they will be there. No sweat.

It's so sure. There is a command and a result. No beating about the bush. Do this and this will happen. You don't need to worry because it will all fall into place.

But when I remembered that line I realised how often I don't live like that. And I guess that is what faith is all about. We have a God who promises to take care of us and we don't need to worry about a thing. No really, not. a . thing. But we still doubt and we still wonder whether we are good enough, or fast enough or capable enough. We have a God who says, "If you act, I will come."

There is a moment in the Prodigal Son story which is often overlooked but it's so important. It's the point when the son makes the decision to return to his Father and his home. Not an easy thing to do considering you just ran away and wasted everything you were given, but still he did it. He returned home.

Because he needed to. He had nowhere else to go. He had no other friends to scrounge off. His bridges were burnt.

But probably also because he had faith. It probably wasn't much but it was there. Maybe he knew somewhere deep down that if he returned home his Father might be there will open arms. Maybe he knew he could return and all would be forgiven.

He did and he was.

How often have we felt God asking us to do something but we get scared and turn away? How often do we know for a certain we are being called to something but we ignore it anyway? For me a lot. But sometimes faith is all about taking risks. But in fact they never are risks because God is in control.

Having said that,

Faith is not easy. Sometimes we follow the 'rules' and God doesn't show up. Sometimes we take a step and we fall. Sometimes God feels distant. But he never is.

When the Prodigal Son left, God wasn't anywhere but by his side the whole time. When he was eating food even pig's wouldn't eat, God was by his side.

But sometimes I think we need to have more faith in a God who loves his people enough to split the sea so his people could escape persecution, or defeat armies that far outnumber theirs, or will heal your friend because you took a risk and lowered him through some poor guy's roof ( that's a nice story, but seriously that guy must have been livid).

Or even a God who loves us enough that when we don't have enough faith he doesn't give up on us.

So the next time you feel God calling you to something or you want to be creative and put your work out there or you have an idea for a ministry or a dream or someone you need to tell something to, remember

'if you book him, he will come'

The Lost Art of Affirmation

2010-11-22T11:50:00.000Z

You remember how as a kid you would do something. Maybe a blob of paint on a page that you passed off as art on par with anything Monet ever produced. Or you wrote your name on a page, even though it looked more like those puzzles where you follow the fishing lines to find the treasure rather than the old boot.

But it didn’t matter. Because in your eyes it was the greatest thing since…well at that age, ever.

You were so proud of yourself and all you wanted to do was show someone. Anyone. Just to show them that you could do something. That you had learned a skill you didn’t have yesterday. That’s an important step in our development I think. To show another human something we created and have them tell us how good it is.

But somehow we lose that. Instead when we grow up a little we like to keep stuff from people. We get more and more used to hearing criticism or having people laugh at our 'crappy' attempts of being creative. So we decide to hide what we produce and we decide to keep it to ourselves even though it was made for the world to see/taste/read/feel. (not smell..what are you making that you want people to smell?!)

It seems that when you are a kid, adults need to keep telling them that they are smart and bright and can walk a few steps. Most adults can do those things pretty easily, but we know and recognise that kids can’t and they need encouraging.

But is it just children who need to be affirmed?

In the last week or so I have received two separate messages from people who I didn’t even know read my blog. And they liked it. They were genuine and they were sincere and I didn’t expect those two people to be readers. But they are.

And quite frankly it made me feel great.

At first it felt a little wrong or even egotistical to feel great. But then I realised that was crap and I enjoyed the feeling.

It made me happy and I felt like what I was doing was at least a little bit decent.

But most importantly it made me want to write. It made me want to create and carry on and not give up.

Which made me realise something. That it doesn’t matter how old you are, we ALL still need to be affirmed and encouraged.

From a young age I have been told that I need to be more like Jesus. I never really know how to go about this especially since the one time I tried to walk on water ended badly and I still need to fork out at least fiver if I want some wine. But I’ve been told to love others, to give to the poor, to turn the other cheek. All great things, but I think that one thing has been missing. There is one way in which we can and should be like Jesus that somehow we miss or deliberately ignore.

Talking of walking on water. Remember the time that Jesus told Peter to walk towards him….on water?

The disciples were on a boat when they saw Jesus on the surface of the water walking towards them. Then Jesus said one simple word to Peter.

"Come"

So Peter started to take a dander towards Jesus...on water. Then at some point it must have hit him what he was doing and he freaked out a little and this happened.

'But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying,

Lord, save me.

And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.'

Instead of Jesus laughing at Peter he encouraged him. Instead of telling Peter he had let him down he gave him hope. Instead of telling Peter he would amount to nothing he helped him stand up.

He affirmed Peter. Can you imagine what it must have felt like for Jesus to pick you up and show you that you can do it. That you can walk on water for Pete's sake. But he did.

How often do we look at other people's lives and take a swipe at them? How often in Church, in work, in life do we put down people who are trying to create something beautiful?

A lot more than we should.

But how often do we follow Jesus' lead? How often do you, without being asked, encourage the people you know and love in what they are doing. In their work, in their music, in their writing, in their art, in their life?

Probably a lot less than we should.

Because when we do they will probably want to create more or create better. They will probably want to encourage someone else. They will want to keep challenging themselves and the people around them to give that thing that they know they can.

When Jesus told Peter to walk all he said was "Come"

Maybe we just need to hear Jesus tell us "Come" or sing, or write, or mould or begin.

Maybe then we can find affirmation again.

Quitters Anonymous

2010-11-06T14:05:00.000Z

I'm a quitter.

There I said it.

I don't like seeing things through. When something gets tough I take the easy route and bail. It's easier. It means no emotional involvement and it means not having to face yourself. Which may be a good thing short term but not so much in the long term.

Take writng for example. Already I have started to write something three times and deleted it all because I thought it was rubbish. Which it may have been. But the truth is I just wanted to stop. Close my computer and go and do something else. Not have to deal with the part of me that tells me I need to write.

Does that happen to you? If you are a human reading this then I am pretty sure the answer is yes. Maybe not writing but maybe following a dream, or an opportunity.

How often do we give up on the first sign of trouble. Or even the second or third. The first time something we are working on doesn't quite work out the way we hoped. Or had in mind. The job interview we ballsed up or the song or the book. In our head we had this idea that it would be amazing first time. That it would come together the way we imagined right away.

But that never happens.

We want to find our own individual voice but we feel like we are speaking for someone else. That's how I feel most of the time I write. I am still searching for that. I am still searching for what will make how I write, my writing. Most of the time I feel like I am just rehashing old ideas. Even my own ideas.

So I want to quit. I don't want to be fake or copy someone. I pretend that quitting is noble. But it isn't.

But if I give up I will never find my voice. I will never find out what it is I was meant to do. Sure going ahead may mean I will sit and stare at a blank screen frustrated and confused. But if I give up I will never get through that. If I walk away I may feel better, but sooner or later I will be called to write again. And when I do I will go through the same motions.

So how do I stop that cycle?

I write.

I have to. I have no other choice. If I don't I will grow more and more frustrated. And if I do keep going?

Eventually I will get there. There may be a lot of typing and deleting. But I will get there. I have to. You have to. We have to.

The alternative is not worth thinking about. Or maybe it is.

What if Shakespeare had given up? What if Michelangelo didn't push through his sore neck painting the Sistine Chapel roof (what a pain that must have been?!)

There are two people who would have missed out.

First, themselves. They would not have experienced the joy that fulfilling their purpose brought.

Second, everyone else. Their work brought and continues to bring happiness, inspiration and motivation to the world.

Don't deny us your work. Don't deny yourself.

Poverty

2010-11-03T11:06:00.000Z

More and more recently I have been considering poverty.

A thought occured to me that there must be enough resources in the world for everyone; it just isn't being distributed well enough. I mean if one footballer can earn himself £250'000 a week and is playing terrible, there is something gravely wrong. But it can be easy to blame the world's poverty on the insanely rich.

I work in a shop and we throw food out all the time. Whenever bread has reached one day before its sell by date we throw it out. And that's its sell by date, not it's use by date. Think about the last time you had a meal with a lot of people. Did you finish everything on your plate? Then think about the last time you had a big feed. Did you get to the end and then feel full or could you have stopped a lot earlier?

There is enough.

So why do billions of people not have enough?

None of us really want to think about people who live in Poverty. It's an issue that we are just tired of hearing about. In some ways we have come to accept it. Poverty is a fact and no matter how much we give we can't fix it all. So we don't do anything. There was a time when images of starving kids around the world on the news really effected people.

Last year $300 million dollars was donated voluntarily in the USA to charities. That's a huge amount of money. But when you consider that 95% of that was given to charities based in the USA then the 5% remaining which was dontated to International work doesn't seem so large.

So when $300 million dollars is being donated in one year and most of that is staying in one country, a country which just happens to be the wealthiest in the world, it makes eradicating poverty seem like a lost cause.

But Jesus didn't think so and neither should we. For Jesus, doing something about poverty was a central focus to his message. If we are to take his message seriously we just can't ignore poverty. Doing so is ignoring Jesus.

So what do we do about it?

Well writing a blog about it won't do a thing. If I change my eating habits or my buying habits it won't change a thing. But what about if WE all changed our eating habits?

The truth is it takes all of us to do something. We all need to take action. We all need to give generously. Not just as a group of individuals but as leaders and Governments and Churches. Only then will extreme poverty come a thing of the past.

A impossible dream? I don't think so. Daunting? Maybe. Impossible? Never

5 reasons why being married to Brit is great (or 5 reasons to marry an American)

2010-10-30T14:46:00.000+01:00

Just over 3 months ago I got married to a wonderful woman.

This is her

A woman who makes me laugh and apparantly thinks I am funny. She cares about me and she puts my needs above hers. She puts up with my constant attempts to get her to watch the Simpsons which she has never seen. ( Finding someone who has never seen the Simpsons is the equivolent of discovering there are some dodos left i.e. not likely). She also lets me express that part of me that loves Take That. That is true love right there. Every now and again she will drop a bit of information about my beloved Spurs and it makes me smile so much. I think I am pretty lucky anyway.

She makes me happy. There are a thousand different ways Brittany makes me happy every day but I thought I would share my top 5 favourite things about being married to Brittany.

5. Being American Part One

Even though Americans sometimes have a bad reputation in Europe, we have to remember that America is so much bigger than Northern Ireland. So if even only 10% of Americans were awesome that is still more awesomness than we could handle. My point is Brittany is American and therefore is statistically more likely to be awesome than not.

And she is....Awesome that is.

4. Washing Dishes

I thought I knew how to wash dishes. Ha. I did not. I thought you do not need to rinse the soap off. You do. Now I can wash dishes with the best of them. As long as I am not dropping them that is.

3. Shoulder Dancing

There are two groups of people in the world. The lucky and those who have not seen Brit's shoulder dance. Make sure you are in the former. It has to be seen to be believed. Thankfully I am a believer.

2. Being American Part Two

Being American had to be split into two because this is my favourite thing about Brittany being American and deserves a category of its own. The food. Americans know how to do food. They have great restaurants and they have Thanksgiving. But without Brit I would never have known about the Corner Bakery brownies, Slurpees, Peanut BUTTER m and m's, Kraft Mac and Cheese, Fig Newtons and Chilis. I could list many more but I am just getting depressed how I can't have any of these things and my keyboard can't handle the drool. Christmas can't come early enough.

1. Love

All those things are great but this is the best. She loves me. She has a lot of reasons not to but she does. And that makes me love her all the more. She thinks what I need before what she does. She asks me how I am doing every day. She cares about every aspect of my being. She surprises me with 15's from college. She lets me listen to Take That in the car. She prays for me.

I am glad I am married to Brittany because she loves me unconditionally and makes me brownies. So if you go away with one thing from reading this let it be this....

Make sure you marry an American

Sticks and Stones and the c word

2010-10-27T20:45:00.000+01:00

Today I got called a rude word in work.

It's so rude I'm not even going to print it here. Let's just say if I was to say it I would probably be picking the negative comments off my blog for months. It's that bad. Definately not PG.

Now I don't really mind being called names. Sticks and stones and all that. Though now you mention it (or should that be now I mention it) what kind of sticks are so strong they are breaking people's bones. Anyway.

What made this particular name all the more bizaare is the reason I was called it.

So I'm innocently enough serving a customer when in walks a man, who without introducing himself (very rude) asks or rather yells at me, why we let people sit outside the shop and sell the Big Issue? I tell him that they are allowed to sell the Big Issue if they like.

But apparantly he doesn't agree with it. And when he asked me whether I agree with it, my reply of "I don't have a problem with it" really sent him cuckoo.

Which is what provoked him to use the nasty "c" word to describe me.

I have a feeling this may become a regular occurence, where he will come in and quickly put me on the spot to find my stance on a particular issue of the day. He'll jump out from behind the tills and shout "Euthenasia!" and I'll very quickly have to think of all the pros and cons. I can only imagine the fun we will have. Today "Should people be allowed to sell the Big Issue?", tomorrow, "Woman Priests". (wee Father Ted reference there for some of you)

I better start reading up.

I want to do better next time.

Church Sex Scandals

2010-10-05T12:26:00.009+01:00

First Ted Haggard was accused of having sex with a male prostitue, then the whole Roman Catholic Church abuse issue. Now, not to be undone, Bishop Eddie Long of New Missionary Baptist Church in Georgia, USA has found himself in the middle of allegations of abuse from young males of having sex with them while they were under his leadership and care in his church.

It seems that every few months the Church is due another huge sex scandal and right on cue it has happened again. And I think that there are so many issues that will arise from the Eddie Long situation. From Everything that has happened to Ted Haggard and what is going on in the Catholic Church right now. How we deal (and how we have already dealt) with these scandals is important.

1/ Baby Steps

First off, all these allegations and cases of abuse begs the question, how do certain Church leaders get to this point? Well as Jon Acuff points out sin doesn't just come knocking one day. Especially sexual sin. We don't just start looking at porn. It is a culmination of lots of baby steps. If any of these allegations against Eddie Long turn out to be true, you can be sure it wasn't like he just woke up one day and decided to sleep with these young men. He would probably have been struggling with sexual issues for a while. Maybe even started looking at porn leading all the way up to sleeping someone. Sin comes to visit and before we know it is sleeping on our couch and wearing our clothes. Which leads to the next question..

2/ Why can't leaders feel they can talk about their sin?

If our Church leaders won't or don't feel they can talk about sexual temptation, what hope is there for the rest of us? Maybe the pressure of being seen as perfect and then admitting that we aren't is too much to bear. Why is the Church environment not conducive to talking about our sin? Because keeping our mouth closed is easier than dealing with the fall out. We have groups for AA and drug addictions but we don't want to talk about, whisper it, S.E.X. Maybe pride tells us that we can beat temptation, that we can stop it before it goes to far. More often than not, we can't. We need help. The sooner as a Church we can start being free and open with our struggles to each other the better. The sooner leaders get this, the better.

3/ Homosexuality isn't the isssue, hypocrisy is.

Sure there is an debate in the Church right now about how we view homosexuality, but is this the real issue? Or is the real issue that some of our Church leaders are condemning homosexuality on one hand, while on the other are engaging in the very acts they talk of being abonimable? How can the Church claim to lead the way in moral issues if we don't really believe what we say? I think the simple answer is we can't. Too often Christians are seen as high and mighty and as looking down at others. The reason? Because so often we act that way. We contradict ourselves and when we so publicly do, we are killing ourselves and each other.

4/ Hiding behind the sins of others.

Right now the easiest thing in the world for me to do right now would be to condemn people like Ted Haggard or Eddie Long. But the truth is if I did, I would simply be hiding my own sins behind theirs. We love to see huge, famous people fail. We love scandal because it makes our own sins seems pretty ok. They aren't. The truth is I'm not much different than them. The moment I start saying I am, I lose sight of Grace. Sure they have forgotten the whole removing the plank from your own eye, before removing the splinter from someone elses, by their actions. Not just because of their sexual sin, but by condemning others for theirs. But as soon as I start condeming them, I am doing the exact same thing. It doesn't matter if my sin isn't exposed so publicly to the world. It matters because it effects my world; it effects my relationships with the people I love and who love me. (This doesn't mean their sins should be looked over. They need help and love and grace and discipline as we all do. The whole point of removing our planks is so we can effectively help others with theirs, not that we can be perfect.)

These recent sex scandals should serve all of us to look at ourselves. How we put leaders on pedel stools. How we need to match up what we believe and what we do. (Let's not just think this is about sex, it's about what we do with our money, whether we gossip, whether we literally help the poor everyday, it's about being truly transformed by God's love so it permeates into everything we think and do).

Imagine the hurt that could have been saved if Ted Haggard had sought help before things got out of hand?

What do we do now?

We find places and people that we feel free to be honest with completely. We don't hide behind a facade any more.

That's not easy. Which is exactly why we need help.

Who will go first?

Short but sweet.

2010-07-10T00:43:00.001+01:00

Before you ask, no the title of this post doesn't refer to Michael J Fox in the awesome Back to the Future Movies.

It's more important than that. Simply these guys are doing great work and giving hope to those who need it.

So...

If you are struggling with addiction to sex then do yourself a favour and get sex addiction help. Or maybe you know someone who needs help with their internet addiction. If so then help them get internet addiction help.
Or maybe you struggle with other depression or suicidal thoughts. You don't have to beat it alone. There are others who know how you feel.

Its always funny until someone gets hurt then its just hilarious A Comical rant

2010-05-31T21:56:00.001+01:00

I love comedy. It's funny how much I love comedy actually.

You see I just made a joke. I used a word (i.e. funny) that is synonymous with comedy to describe my feeling about humour and all its connotations.

OK it wasn't the best joke ever, but it was still a joke. You can't deny that. Or maybe a joke to be defined as a joke must have at its very core one simple element...it needs to be funny. And since most people won't have found my joke funny would not then label it as a joke. So me referring to it as a joke in that previous sentence was a lie and so you can't trust anything I write and should therefore stop reading this right now.

But that's the thing about comedy. Everyone is different. Everyone has different tastes. Some people think the Office (UK version) is funny. Other don't (I like to call them idiots). Some people think Laurel and Hardy are funny. Others prefer Abbot and Costello. Some people are offended by shows like Brass Eye. Others see past the controversial topics and focus on what the show is trying to tell us. Some people think a joke is enhanced by the f word. Others think it is unneccessary.

But the thing that is true about all comedy is that it will either make you laugh or it won't.

But are there lines that we shouldn't cross? Or is every topic fair game?

I am going to admit right now that I love dark humour. I love jokes where you go "ooooooooh" after. I love Brass Eye. I love Blue Jam. I love Curb Your Enthusiasm. I love people like Ricky Gervais and Frankie Boyle. I love comedians that have balls to say something they know will be offensive. I heard Ricky Gervais say once in an interview with Larry David that sometimes comedians just have to say things and not worry about the reaction.

Part of me likes that. I like the risk that entails.

But all this talk about what is appropriate to laugh at leads to an important question.

How should our faith and beliefs affect what we laugh at?

A few years ago a huge controversy arose after a cartoon of Mohammed appeared in a Danish publication. Many Muslims were outraged and offended by it and maybe they had a right to be.

But what about Christians? This made me think. How are we supposed to react to jokes that poke fun at God or Jesus? Is the Life of Brian OK to watch? What about the recurring jokes about Jesus in Family Guy?

A lot of Christians find this stuff offensive. And that's OK. Really it is. We should be free to air our opinions on all sorts of topics, including humour. But what about jokes that make fun of gay people or people with disabilities. I know a lot of Christians that use the word 'gay' as a derogatory word for things. Similarly many use the word 'retarded' to describe situations that they find twisted.

I know Christians who have laughed at and made jokes at the expense of certain people e.g. homosexuals.

Is this OK? Isn't there some sort of upside down logic when on one hand we are offended by jokes made about a Divine God who let's face it can take it, and on the other hand make fun of groups of people who have been marginalised. Is this dare I say it, a form of bullying? Is this what Jesus was about?

And maybe the problem is that we just have a hard time laughing at ourselves. Maybe if we took the time to look at the absurdities of Religion and Christianity we wouldn't be so quick to be offended by others making fun of us. Maybe, just maybe we would see what others see and it would make us consider how we react to them. Maybe when comedians make fun of Christianity they have a point.

Christians have a history of being offended. We are good at it. What we aren't so good at is always loving our enemies. Sure some jokes about Religion are maybe too close to the bone and we shouldn't laugh at them. But how we react is where we can really have an impact. What would happen if instead of being offended all the time we instead looked at some of our practices and flaws and realised just how absurd they are.

Maybe there are things that are just not appropriate for Christians to laugh at. But maybe those things aren't so much jokes about Christianity but jokes against people who we should be standing up for.

Should we be offended at jokes about God and then turn around and laugh at jokes about gay people? Of course not.

Which is why I am glad for people like Jon Acuff and Tripp and Tyler. People who aren't afraid to poke fun at our Christian bubble. People, who instead of going on the defensive are joining in and highlighting our faults through humour.

Maybe by doing that we can change Christianity for the better. Being offended so much pushes others who are outside of Christianity away. It alienates them and means we put up our barriers even further when others laugh at us.

So we go out sometimes and offend.

Which is hurtful.

And that's just not funny.

What we hope for

2010-05-27T10:55:00.005+01:00

A few days ago a pretty monumental thing happened. The LRA Recovery and Northern Uganda Recovery Act was finally passed in the House of representatives. Two days ago it passed onto President Obama's desk where he signed it and made it law that the US government will have to take action to end Joseph Kony's reign of terror.

If you have ever read my blog you will know that this is something I care deeply about. For decades, children have been abducted from their homes and forced to fight and kill in the name of a crazy man who has no real agenda other than ruining lives for his own power. I got involved a couple years ago when my girlfriend and I sat down to watch the Invisible Children movie- The Rough Cut.

It moved us so much and we knew we had to help. We had to get the word out. Neither of us had known that this was going on and we knew most of our friends didn't either.

Last April we were involved with the Rescue. An Invisible Children event where we camped out in Dublin to show we were one with the Child Soldiers. We waited to be 'rescued'. We waited on Politicians and media figures to stand alongside us. We waited with hundreds and thousands of others in cities around the world. In New York, London, San Diego, Mexico City, Sydney.

Most of us were rescued pretty quickly. We stood alongside each other. Kids all over the world standing together for something big and important. But some still waited. In Chicago they waited and waited.

And waited.

For a week kids slept out on the streets in Chicago demanding to be rescued. No matter where we were in the world we were united with Chicago. The internet meant all of us could plead for Oprah Winfrey to stand up and declare her support and therefore 'release' the kids in Chicago. We tweeted and facebooked our socks off.

Eventually it happened. It took a while but Oprah stood up and her voice meant the kids in Chicago's voices could be heard. And this meant that the Kids in Northern Uganda could have their voices heard also.

And in this past week this voice has reached all the way to the White House.

It was pretty special to be involved with. Something I will never forget.

When you are united with people you have never met and have a common interest and a common goal it can be one of the most thrilling things. You feel like you are alive. Nothing can stop you. You are changing the world together and there is a high involved that no drug can come close to achieving.

Maybe this all sounds cliched and hard to understand but maybe you need to experience this sort of thing. Maybe when you have put your heart into something so important and joined with people all over the world to end injustice you will understand.

But the problem is that it never lasts.

That high quickly disappears. Maybe it is exhaustion. But sooner or later life goes back to normal. There is still work to do of course but sometimes that work is a bit more boring and mundane. Just as important but maybe not quite as exciting. It takes real commitment to stick at it.

And this is my problem. I lost interest. I stopped checking to see what the latest was in the Congo and in Northern Uganda. I stopped educating myself and getting involved. It's not that I didn't care anymore but it wasn't as exciting.

This happens a lot in life. You go to a concert and singing along with hundreds or even thousand of other people and it's awesome. Then you go home and go to History first period the next day at school (no offense History geeks). Or you go to a huge Christian event and you are united with everyone there and and you feel like you could change the world for God. Then you come home and look at porn at 3am and feel worthless again.

It's hard to keep that high going.

And maybe that's alright. Not all of us are called to work for Invisible Children full time. Just because we go back to the normality of life we shouldn't forget that our participation was important. This isn't about feeling guilty. It's about perseverance.

After Jesus had died I'm sure it was pretty tough for the disciples. Everything they thought they understood was taken away. But then Jesus came alive and he appeared to the disciples. Their response was what you would expect.

Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God. Luke 24:52,53

It must have felt as natural as breathing to worship Jesus in that moment. This was what they had been waiting for. Jesus fulfilling exactly what he had been talking about the whole time. They were united with each other and Jesus. It must have been the best feeling in the world. Jesus had just told them to go out and change the world and they were ready. What a feeling that must have been.

Then in Mark 16 Jesus lets them know what he wants them to do.

He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."

When Jesus asked them to go out and spread the word he wasn't naive. He knew that it would be tough. He knew there would be times they would feel like giving up and going home. But he promises them that they will do amazing things. Important things.

Things like healing.

Things like letting someone know they are loved.

Things like helping release Child Soldiers.

The disciples didn't get it all easy after Jesus left them physically. They had it extremely tough at times. But they had a hope that it would all be worth it. That they weren't pursuing peace or justice for nothing. So they kept going until it quite literally killed them.

And the great thing is we are in the same place. We aren't any different. We have jobs to do. We have people to love and injustices to overturn.

Sure it might get mundane at times. We might need a breather. We will definatley need to be reinspired.

But there is a hope that it will be worthwhile that keeps driving us.

The most important thing that Invisible Children has taught me is that none of us are unimportant. That if we keep going we will get there. it happened this week. It took all of us. But there is definatley a lot of work to do. This is not the end. It's just the beginning. But we have come this far. And it has been worth every minute.

So whether you are a Parent, or a teacher, an activist or even the President of the United States.

Keep focusing on the hope that your work is worthwhile.

You might not be able to see the results yet.

But they are there.

And if you keep going.

then soon enough the Invisible will become the Visible.

Accidents and Compliments

2010-04-17T11:40:00.000+01:00

A few days ago when I woke up I got up and came downstairs and immediately turned my computer on. This is my routine most days if I‘m not working early. I get up, check facebook, check my emails, check any blogs that I read normally and then start to think about writing for the day.

That day though I got up and went to the xxxchurch site straight away. I am going to be writing a blog for them and I had submitted my first blog a couple weeks prior. And I am really excited about it because xxxchurch saved my life and I love and appreciate what they are doing and to be even slightly involved with this ministry is really exciting for me.

But…for the last week or so I had been logging on waiting to see my blog up on the site. And every day I had been disappointed slightly. Because it wasn’t up. Until three days ago that is.

I logged on and there it was. My xxxchurch blog. Brilliant! I had finally made it. My name in lights..so to speak. So I did a few other things online and I did a curious thing. I did something that I have been getting into the habit of doing lately and its not good.

Every few minutes I would refresh the page just to see if anyone had commented.

And suddenly I realised I had missed the point so badly. I had made this about me. I had made the blog all about me. Instead of writing and hoping that somehow that writing would help people who struggle, I was writing and hoping that someone would say I was an awesome writer.

I wanted Glory.

Now there is nothing wrong with receiving compliments. It is affirming and it encourages us and helps us to become better at what we do.

But on the flipside, when we do our art to receive compliments we have screwed priorities.

Like the musician who just wants to be famous and get rich, we have distorted our art. We have just started and already we have sold our souls to the devil (notice the small d, the grammar version of the middle finger).

That’s what selling out is. The process of doing something we love for all the wrong reasons.

The footballer who just wants to get all the glamour and girls.
The writer who wants people to hang off her every word.
The actor who makes the lowest common denominator Hollywood movie instead of the artistically intelligent indie movie.
The band who rehash their last album because that’s what sold millions.
The Pastor who sets out just to be controversial and offend.

So back to my xxxchurch blog and later that day I returned to it to find someone had commented on it.

Great! The moment I had been waiting for..

Only it wasn’t quite the moment I had been expecting. Instead the first comment had a real go at my post. I won’t go in to what they said but let’s just say they weren’t impressed at all.

But as I sat there reading it I realised it was the best thing that could have happened. I realised that I was free. I realised that if I write just so people can pat me on the back then I am doing something dirty, something I don’t want to be involved in.

If you are an artist or do anything creative really then I’m sure you know this feeling. The feeling of wanting Glory. I think it’s natural. But when you put all your energies into that then at some point you will feel let down. Because if our success is based on what others think of us then we are going to fail. At some point someone won’t think you are that great.

And that’s OK.

Because some will. There will be people who will be moved and inspired and helped by what you do.

But even that’s not enough. We need to do it for ourselves. We need to fulfill that part of us that says “this is what I was made to do”. This is why I am here.

Sooner or later you will crash into a wall. It could be creative or it could be someone’s opinion.

But you will just have to go around it.

Check out my new xxxchurch blog here if you like.

And feel free to say whatever you like

Sean

2010-04-10T20:27:00.000+01:00

There are times when your preconceptions are shattered and what you thought you know is completely blown wide open.

These times are good. They can be painful and difficult to deal with. But ultimately they are good because you start to see truth where before you were seeing what you thought was truth.

But it wasn’t.

I have a lot of preconceptions (that’s probably a whole other thing to get into) but on Thursday night I had my preconceptions of Homeless people changed dramatically.

When I saw a homeless person on the street I forgot that they are a person with a life and a history. They have a story. And I forget that they weren’t always homeless.

On Thursday night I went with two really close friends into Belfast because one of my friends wanted to give out food and blankets to homeless people.

We only met one homeless person.
His name is Sean.
We met him outside Botanic train Station.
Sean is nearly 40. He looks like he is a lot younger.
He has been homeless for almost 20 years. That’s nearly half his life.
His Father threw him out. He says hi to his Father sometimes in Belfast but his Father hardly acknowledges him.
He had been in the Hospital the night before. He discharged himself because he felt the Doctors were taking him for a ride.
His mother is dead and his Father wouldn’t even let him in the House for a cup of Tea after the funeral.
He has a nephew.
He has epilepsy.
He likes a drink.
He likes to smoke.
He needs assistance in getting up and sitting down.
He was given a new sleeping bag from a Mission but he doesn’t want it because he says he doesn’t need it.
He knows where to score drugs.
He once slept on a bench with about an inch of ice.
He likes Cheese and Ham sandwiches.

We learned a lot about Sean.

But mostly I think we learned that Sean is human. He isn’t inferior because he lives on the street. He just got a bad break in life. It could have been me. It could have been any of us.

He isn’t loved by his own Father. He has washed his hands of him.

So we decided to love Sean. We gave him some sandwiches, a couple of blankets and a couple of cigarettes.

I don’t know if we did much. But I think we listened. We let him tell his story. By doing that I think we gave him some dignity because he has a story. And if you have a story that means you are someone.

And Sean is someone.

Next time you are passing Botanic Station say hi to him.

Remind him that he is someone.

Why the World only needs one Rob Bell

2010-03-18T13:42:00.000Z

When I write I have a tendancy to compare myself to other writers.

I love Rob Bell and I love Don Miller and I wish I was them. Well maybe not them exactly, but I definately wish I thought like them and I had thier talent.

But I don't. I try my best but ultimately I am just not Rob Bell or Don Miller or any other great writer for that matter.

And when I understand that I can finally move on and start writing like someone else unique.....

Myself.

When I constantly compare myself to other people I am preventing myself from being who I was created to be. I wasn't born to be Rob Bell. I was born to be Paul Robinson.

And when I constantly compare myself to other people it shows a lot about what I think about God.

If you asked me if I thought God is perfect and never makes mistakes I would say yes. But I seem to have some trouble applying that to myself.

Sometimes we get so bogged down by our own faults and our own mess ups that we focus too much on oursleves and not enough on God. We see ourselves and hate ourselves even for not being good enough and we forget that there is more to it than meets the eye.

If we look at who we are and come to the decision that we are not good enough and worthless, then how can we trust our own opinion of ourselves. If I am as worthless as I sometimes see myself, well why would I trust that type of persons opinion.

But thankfully my opinions of myself aren't really worth much. That's good news.

When I base God's view of me on the type of person I am, I am inevitably setting myself up for failure.

God's view of me is always the same.

He loves me.

He loves you.

I can mess up every day and never go anywhere but God will always love me.

How can he love me though when I struggle with porn? Or how I can he love me when I hate my body? Or how can he love me when I keep treating my friends like crap?

Simply,

because he is God. And unlike us he doesn't make mistakes. He created each of us exactly the way he wanted. Yeah sure sometimes we get off track, and need reminded of that, but its still true.

So what does this mean?

Well it means that I can stop trying to earn God's love and favour by trying to be people I am not. We can start focusing on the fact that when God made us he made us exactly so we wouldn't be anyone else. It means that I can stop being anxious and rest in that knowledge and start living my own story.

We should study people like Rob Bell or whoever we look up to. We should learn from them and take away principles of their ministry or writing or art.

But we shouldn't try and just copy it. Because we are doubting God's ability to make something of unique beauty and goodness from our own lives when we do.

Because the world only needs one Rob Bell.

Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading

2010-02-17T19:19:00.000Z

It doesn't seem that long ago since Christmas. Seven weeks and five days to be exact.

And now we are already gearing up for Easter. The Easter eggs have been in the shops for a few weeks already. It seems that preparation starts earlier and earlier.

But for pretty much all my life I have not been prepared for Easter. Today is Ash Wednesday and it marks the beginning of Lent. The time period of 40 days or so where we traditionally give up something we love. Maybe for you its coffee, or chocolate or cigarettes, or maybe you are giving up watching LOST. Maybe you gave that up ages ago.

Whatever it is. It's good to deny ourselves some stuff over this period. It's good to direct our minds on something other than ourselves. And I think that is the main point of Lent. It's not that we try and make ourselves miserable for some sort of higher spiritual experience.

But it's supposed to help us to think outside our own existance and help others,

It's supposed to prepare us so we can appreciate Easter more.

I don't think Lent is just about giving up something though. It's also about replacing it with something else that is good and worthwhile. It's about remembering the sacrifice Jesus made by sacrificing something we love.

So maybe you have decided to give up your ipod (I know, I know, how 2007 of me), or maybe you won't go on facebook for a while. I have heard lots of really good ideas. How about not using the radio or having music play in your car so you can spend driving time, praying instead.

But what are we replacing these things with? Who are we helping? Where are we directing our time now that we have given up facebook for a while?

Well as I wrote about in my last post, I am not the most disciplined of people. So instead of this year setting myself up for failure and feeling crap I have decided to follow this Lent Calendar from Marshill. It might be a great way of us to connect better.

There are a load of different ways you can get ready for Easter. You don't just have to give up stuff. You can give up time. You can help someone who needs help. You can take an interest in an issue in the world that is damaging the Earth. You can drink only water and donate the money you normally would spend on coffee or beer to help create clean water for people who don't have it.

I must stress that this won't make you more holier or superior to anyone who doesn't give up something at Lent. But what it will do is give you a greater appreciation of what Jesus did. Of the sacrifice he made. Of the life we now have because of his dying to himself.

Why not give it a go? What is there to lose? What are you going to give this Easter?

Can't go on, must go on, can't go on, mu.....

2010-02-13T20:34:00.005Z

I like to write but most of the time I don't feel like it.

I like to blog but at times, like right now, I just can't be bothered. I have no motivation whatsoever. This guy I am not

That sucks when something you enjoy doing is not appealling. I have that feeling and I need to figure out why.

And I think I know.

Discipline.

I hate that word so much. Mostly because I severely lack in that department. Reading the Bible, praying, revising, practicing the piano, all these things we are told are good for us, are not interesting to me most of the time.

And I don't have the discipline to write. But I want to.

Right now I am writing but I want to stop. I think what I am writing is crap and quite possibly it is. These are the thoughts I get when I am trying to become disciplined at doing something. "I don't want to", or "I'm not good at it", or "I don't feel Jesus' presence" or "I am bored out of my skull"

I am writing this sentance and I have written all the previous ones but there is something in me which is telling me to stop and go on to facebook instead.

And I don't even know what it is keeping me going. But somehow I am. Something is telling me to stop but the voice telling me to keep going is somehow winning.

And that folks is all I have for you. I don't have some nugget of wisdom to give you on how to become disciplined. I am the wrong guy for that.

But maybe the point of discipline is that we need to just keep going. Maybe it won't be pretty. Maybe it will be hard and there will be sweat and blood (though if there is I think you are definately doing something wrong) and tears.

Maybe we need to start small and build instead of thinking we need to pray 24 hours a day, or read the whole Bible in a year or learn that piece of music all in one day or whatever.

All I know is that discipline is good. It's important. It is healthy. We grow from it. We learn about ourselves and others from it. But God is it hard.

Maybe its supposed to be hard. Maybe I am just undiscplined. Maybe you think it is easy.

What works for you? How do you get out of that rut where you simply don't want to?

When pickets turn funny

2010-02-10T00:40:00.000Z

Right. Enough is enough.

I have been away from here for far too long and I am getting a few minor withdrawl symptoms? (Is that how you spell withdrawl?, is there an e in there? Wow it's been so long I've forgotten how to spill).

So if you are one of the 8 people who follow this I apologise for my severe lack of blogging. My last post was before Christmas so expect more stuff to come in the next few days. And expect more varied stuff.

I've realised that I want to maybe cut back on the serious blog posts a bit and write a few more laid back posts. Hopefully that will result in a bit more blogging on my part.

So I am excited to be back and if you are new... You are very welcome and I hope you enjoy.

So most of you will be aware of Westboro Baptist in the USA. They are a pretty intense bunch of people/church/sect/cult and their views on homosexuals (their favourite quote is 'God hates fags'), the US army, Obama, and even Ireland are just insane. And oh yeah I should have said, unless you are a member of their church you are going to hell...Sorry to break it to you.

Check them out if you like, but I love how these bunch of guys from twitter gave them a taste of their own medicine by picketing Westboro Baptists' very own picket of the twitter offices. You following? I know there was a lot of pickets in there.

Anyway, makes you think how we should disagree with people. Should we start yelling back and just stoop down to their level or should we show the ridiculous of some situations by demonstrating how ridiculous some of their views are.

What you guys think?

Enjoy

Oh and check out the awesome 'anti-picket' picket signs.

Which is your favourite?

My vote goes to this

How Rage Against the Machine Saved Christmas

2009-12-24T12:46:00.000Z

It's Christmas Eve and even though most of us are still unsure about what Santa is going to bring us, or what colour of socks we will get this year, one traditional Christmas event has already been decided upon.

The now 'formerly' x factor, Simon Cowell, everything that is wrong with music' sponsered Christmas number 1.

Last Sunday, much to the delight and excitement of millions of people, for the first time since 2002, a single from an x factor contestant hasn't reached the coveted Christmas number 1 spot. The Christmas number 1 used to be something everyone, even if you didn't normally care about the charts, looked excitedly to. But for a few years now, it's beeen completely monopolised by the x factor.

Not this year. No Sir. An amazing facebook campaign has finally ended that with Rage Against the Machine's 'Killing In The Name' as the number 1 at Christmas.

It's amazing. Never in a million years did I think this track would ever get close to being a number 1, never mind at Christmas. But it has. And that's a good thing.

Because despite what anyone says 'Killing in the Name' is the best Christmas song ever. Sorry Slade fans, sorry Chris Rea, you can drive on home, sorry Joe, sorry even the Pogues (as much as it pains me) but none of you have even hit anywhere near the mark on the Christmas message as much as Rage Against the Machine have.

I'm sure they never intended it to be a Christmas song, but the meaning and emotion behind it reveals the very heart of the Christmas message.

Rage Against the Machine have saved Christmas. Jesus will be happy.

How so, you may ask. Join me on a journey through time and space (well time anyway).

When Jesus was born, he was born in a town in Israel called Bethleham. His parents Joseph and Mary had travelled there to take part in a census that the Roman Empire required everyone to take part in, to help with military stuff and taxes. So Joseph was required to return to his hometown and so his wife and son accompanied him.

When they arrived there, they were visited by some wise men (probaby astrologers) who came to pay their respect to the new King of the Jews i.e. Jesus. But when they got there they asked the possibly first ever pantomime villian, King Herod (booo sssss) where he was (not behind him as it turns out). Herod liked having power and he used it to great effect to rule over his people. Sooo, obviously he wasn't too keen on their being another King of the Jews, especially a baby. So he pretended he wanted to worship the baby, and asked the wise men to return to him when they found him. Ooh sneaky.

Of course God had other ideas, as he usually does. And it was a good job he did because Herod, as I'm sure you've guessed already didn't want to goo and ga at Jesus, so much as, well brutally murder him.

So the wise men took a swift detour to Egypt, as did Joseph and Mary. And this is where I think the message of Christmas is often overlooked.

Joseph and Mary decided that it wasn't a good idea to hang around. They decided that following the leader of the country was wrong. I'm not even sure they stuck around for the census. They decided that the Roman Empire and KIng Herod weren't all they cracked up to be. They decided that there had to be a different way. A better way.

And if Jesus coming to Earth and Killing in the Name shows us nothing else, it is that there is a better way, an alternative way of thinking, of acting, of treating each other.

We're presented with so many things at Christmas, that this message has been lost somewhere. The message that Jesus came to allow us to be free, to buck the trend. To change our perception of how to love each other. The Christmas story tells us there are two ways of living. The Herod Christmas and the Jesus Christmas.

The Herod Christmas tells us that its all about OUR power and needs. The Jesus Christmas tells us its all about OTHERS and people who need help.

Herod Christmas says we need to spend massive amounts of money to show we love people. Jesus Christmas tells us we can give money to people who have nothing, so they can eat on Christmas Day and every other day.

Herod Christmas tells us that those in power are always right. Jesus Christmas tells us that power comes in how we treat others well, not in showing our dominance.

Herod Christmas says that strength is in power over people. Jesus Christmas says that strength is in loving people.

And this is the message of Christmas that Rage Against the Machine are expressing, even if they know it or not.

"And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control".

Joseph and Mary did not do what they were told and so they became free. They realised the truth, that much of what society or our Governments, or our Religious estbalishments tell us, is wrong. They realised that there was injustice going on in the world and it doesn't have to be like that.

They realised there is a better way. A way that gives everyone life, not just those who want control.

They realised that life is about looking to Jesus and realising that Christmas should be about loving others in ways that matter, not by making ourselves sick with food, or entertaining ourselves with stuff we get bored with quickly.

But by meeting with a friend who needs to talk to someone. To go and give food and a blanket to someone who will be sitting in the snow on Christmas Day. To sacrifice a present this year and give money to a family who need it to pay the bills.

Jesus came so we can change how we live. Yeah he came to save us from our crap. But he came for so much more. To show us a way of loving others rather than ourselves.

A way that requires us to sometimes say

We won't do what you tell us

God time.....or other suitably rubbish names for Quiet times Part 1

2009-12-21T16:19:00.001Z

Last week I started to try and get into the rhythm of something that I have never really been that good at. The dreaded QT. Quiet times. I want to talk about a few things that I think I have learned over the last week about God and spending time with him.

I wish I was the kind of person who was able to sit down and feel God's presence and not get distracted. But I'm not. Plus I always felt Quiet times were boring and for the overly religious. I never thought God was boring but I just thought spending time with him was. Strange.

So last week I decided to have a quiet time every morning for the week. If only to see how it changed me, if at all. I have never been one for disciplines. I always thought they would make me boring and condescending or something like that. But I knew that if I at least gave it a go, then I could say I have made an effort getting to know God better.

Mistake number 1.

You see I thought that quiet times were going to radically change me. They were going to stop me sinning. They were going to stop me being tempted. They were going to give me some sort of understanding about God that was going to solve all my problems.

But it didn't.

And normally that would be enough to put me off doing it anymore.

But it hasn't.

And why? Because I think I have learned something important about quiet times. They aren't meant to magically solve everything. They are meant to be about being in God's prescence.

I read in an article recently about a guy who struggled with temptation and depression, who used to ask God to take away all his problems, to heal him.

But everytime he just heard silence.

I can relate to that. Wanting God to just take away some problem in my life so that I could properly follow him. I prayed so many times that if he took it away he would see a new me. For me it was porn. For you it could be something else. It doesn't really matter.

But for the guy that wrote the article and for me, we were often met with silence. I think that if God solved all our problems, or took away all our temptations we would simply look for something else. We wouldn't really be satisfied. We wouldn't really see a 'new' me. We would head somewhere else instead.

And that's what I think the point of quiet times are.

Jesus.

Jesus wants a relationship with us. He doesn't want to be our genie.

Sure he might grant us our wish but do I know Jesus better because of it?

If I woke up tomorrow and I wasn't tempted anymore does that mean I will be closer to Jesus?

I don't think so. I think we should have quiet times so we can get closer to God. Just enjoy his presence. Let him into everything we are experiencing. Not just to solve our problems. Be honest.

Does God want to save us from the things we struggle with? Of course he does.

But if thats all he does then we aren't really getting to know and enjoy him and we aren't really growing.

And that's why I am going to stick with times with God. Because even if I don't sin anymore I still won't have Jesus.

And I would rather have Jesus.

The Nightmare 'AT' Christmas

2009-12-03T13:21:00.000Z

When I get to this time of the year I usually start looking forward to getting the Christmas edition of the Radio Times or eagerly wait for the first play of 'Fairy tale of New York' by the Pogues on the Radio (Only then can Christmas officially start).

I love Christmas and it is easily my favourite time of the year but I am feeling a different kind of emotion this year. I'm still excited and I'm still looking forward to spending time with my family but something is changing in me this year.

As a kid Christmas was a time when the world stopped and everything became wonderful. Whatever crap was going on in the world it stopped for a few days so everyone could be part of this wonderful time. That's how my mind thought it was anyway.

And it's only been in the past year that I think I realised properly and in a real way that's not how it goes.

The breakthrough came for me earlier in the year when I saw the documentary 'The Rescue' from Invisible Children.

(If you have never heard of Invisible Children head right over here now and read and become aware.

Very briefly, 'Invisible Children' is working to end the abduction of children who are being forced to fight in a rebel army called the Lord's Resistance Army.

At the end of last year and start of 2009, 620 civilians were murdered and 120 children abducted over a two week period, in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Most of these attacks occuring over two days.

And what were those two days?

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, 2008.

If you are reading this I want that to sink in. Hundreds of innocent people were brutally slaughtered and their lives changed horribly forever over Christmas.

That's not even a year ago.

I don't know about you but when I think about that, it wakes me up to what's going on in the rest of the world.

I can remember what I was doing on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day last year like it was yesterday.

I was working on Christmas Eve and probably complaining about it. I thought my life sucked. Earlier in the day I met up with friends for our now annual Christmas coffee meet up. It was great. Christmas Day was near. I was getting to hang out with good friends. Enjoy coffee and good times. I was excited to go to Church the next Day and feel all Christmassy. Not to mention all the amazing food I was going to devour.

In a jungle in Africa, kids were being torn from their families and hundreds of innocent people were being physically mutilated, raped or murdered.

On Christmas Day I went to Church. I enjoyed the Carols. I enjoyed my friends. The Christmas treats afterwards were to die for. I hung out with my cousins at my Grans and had a great time. I opened presents and I ate well. I laughed and felt warm inside and I can say I was pretty happy.

In a village in Africa, parents were mourning the loss of their children. Still alive possibly, but chances are may never see again.

It's sobering.

I don't want to make anyone feel guilty. The truth is Christmas is a time when we should be with family and friends and we should be celebrating. But for a lot of people they aren't. For many kids last year, Christmas Eve was not about being excited about seeing Santa, but about being terrified of seeing the LRA.

Just because we are having a great time at Christmas doesn't mean everyone is.

But I think we can make a difference this year.

I think we can make a sacrifice this year so someone can gain something. There are lots of ways we can help. We can give someone a gift they aren't expecting. We can give a child a home. You can raise awreness about something evil that could happen again this Christmas, by getting your friends round and telling them about abducted child soldiers and using your gifts to help.

Or you could just have coffee with a friend and let them tell you what they are going through.

Whatever it is. This Christmas my challenge to myself is to remember the world doesn't just stop for two days. And then to take action.

Internot

2009-11-10T16:47:00.001Z

In a few hours time I will be doing something I haven't done since I was probably about 14. No I won't be listening to my Disturb CD (wow what was I thinking? What a terrible band)

No I will be going without the internet for a week. If the truth be told I have never gone without the internet before. I mean when I was 14 I didn't really know much about it and certainly didn't have access to it anytime I wanted.

But now I am going to say goodbye to it.

For a week at least.

Yesterday I wrote about why I am doing this but today I want to talk about how I am feeling about it before. Consider it the hypothesis of my little experiment.

When I decided to do this I was a bit unsure if I could. There were so many things that I would miss. Things that have become so essential to me everyday. So I want to talk about 3 things I think I will miss the most.

1/ Facebook. I mean when I wake up everyday my first port of call is facebook. It has become the best way to porcrastinate for probably most of the country. It's like our whole world, our lives, our favourite things, our friends and it's all on one site. It's like we don't want to miss out on anything. If I don't go on facebook I will miss out on something huge.

Where did that idea come from? Why do I think like that? What will happen if I can't communicate with my friends through facebook? Maybe I am scared of actually having to communicate directly with people. What if I can't 'like' what you are doing right now.

It's not like I will be cut off from everyone I know, but maybe it will force me to engage with people properly. I see not being on facebook as taking my life out of facebook and bringing it back into reality.

2/ Spotify. Spotify has only come into my life recently but I think I could miss this the most. Free music on my computer. New albums by my favourite bands right there for me to listen to without having to pay a penny. It's awesome.

I use it when I am on the internet for background music. How will I cope? I haven't played a CD except in my care in donkeys.

I think this will force me to start playing music more. I have started playing the piano the last couple weeks again. And I love it. I have rediscovered my love for making music. If this is one possible plus of not having music to listen to, then I am excited.

3/ My favourite blogs. Lastly the thing I think I will miss the most are the blogs I read. Sites like xxxchurch.com, stuffchristianslike and invisiblechildren are included in my daily 'internet check up'. I visit these sites everyday and they are important for me because they help me think about things. They challenge me, they inspire me. They get me excited and believe in the impossible.

Where am I going to look for those things now? As a Christian we are supposed to have 'quiet times'.

For me these sites have kind of become mine. Not that that is bad. They help me think about my relationship with Jesus. I like them because they are never the same. Thinking about God doesn't get so boring.

Maybe it will force me to read the Bible more. Maybe I will read books in general more. Will this be a good thing? I think so. Right now I think I will come out of this experience deciding that I need to pray more and read the Bible more. Those sites I visit should encourage me to get into the Bible more. But they haven't. So far. And I think after this week they will.

So those are three of the things I will miss out on. Of course there lots more. I am genuinely excited to see how this week goes. Maybe that's sad. But I think it will be good for me.

Throughout the week I will keep a diary of sorts. Somewhere to record my thoughts and experiences and then next week I will share how it went.

Only a few hours to go.

But for now this will be my last blog post for a while.

Over and out...

Work Offline

2009-11-09T19:12:00.005Z

It's crazy to think that only a few years ago when you got broadband you were at the cutting edge of internet capabilities. Friendsreunited was the best social networking site around and Napster meant we could listen to any music we like. (Thanks Lars!!)

Now unless you have an iphone or a Blueberry or at least a phone with the ability to connect to facebook you are seen as a modern day neanderthal.

How did we cope before the internet? I actually can't remember. I actually can't. My life can't have been fun. I mean how did I know what was going on?

How did we have banter with our friends before facebook status and comment?

How did we listen to music and discover new bands?

How did we arrange to meet up with people?

How did we express our opinions?

What did we do when we were bored?

These are important questions I think, which is why I am going to give up the internet for a week. No more facebook, no more youtube, no more twitter, no more Spotify!

Even writing that last sentence has given me a panic attack. Can I really do without those things?

Honestly? I don't know.

But I want to find out. I want to find out how my life is affected. I want to find out whether its better or worse. Will it affect me at all? Will it affect the type of person I am? Will it affect my relationships? Will it turn me into a recluse?

I don't know. I hope not but I am excited to find out.

I'm not doing this because I think the internet is evil. I'm not doing this to prove we don't need all the things the internet provides?

Because I think the internet is a wonderful thing. And I think it has opened my eyes to the world. To issues that I wouldn't have known about without it. Things like child soldiers in Norhern Uganda. To friends I had lost contact with. That's been a positive thing. It's almost ruined my life by letting me have access to porn anytime I like. That's not so good.

So we'll see how it goes. I could go crazy after a few hours. I could cave in and run back into the arms of facebook before breakfast. You might find me wandering the streets late at night looking for someone to give me a hit of their iphone.

But it could be good for me too. I guess we will find out soon enough.

So from Wendesday night I will be offline.

Tomorrow I will write a bit about how I am feeling before I start.

Now. Can anyone show me how to use a pen again?

Jesus, the Pharisee, the Prostitute and I

2009-11-02T18:29:00.001Z

My whole life I have pretty much been surrounded by all things 'Christian'.

I went to Sunday School, Church, BB, JAM Club, Scripture Union, CE (sometimes ;)).

I have been involved with ministries like Street Reach, Athletes in Action, Christians In Sport and Ambassadors in Sport ( I fully endorse anything 'in Sport').

I have read "If you want to walk on water....", 'What's so Amazing About Grace', and 'Blue Like Jazz'. I have not read anything by Joel Osteen however. Oh well, 3 out of 4 ain't bad!!

My point being I have pretty much been involved or read or experienced most of the traditional Northern Irish Christian activities.

I don't say that to show off or seem cool. If you were brought up in a Christian house in Northern Ireland, you most likely can identify with all these things, probably more.

In fact, I think I benefited a lot from the few years at Uni when I almost never went to Church or had any Christian culture impacted on me.

Maybe that sounds strange but without that I wouldn't have started questioning stuff, I wouldn't have thought differently about Christianity which to be honest was becoming boring and irrelevant to me. I wouldn't have started reading stuff by people like Rob Bell, which have without exaggerating, changed my life.

If you have been brought up in a Christian family and never gone through that rebellious period that is great. This is not an attack on what I am positive was a great time of growth for you.

But for me, I think I needed a bit of a break. I needed God for sure. I always have, I still do and I always will, but I also needed to break out of the Christian bubble. I think I would have suffocated if not.

One of the problems I had, even though I maybe didn't know it at the time, was that I didn't appreciate Jesus. I had heard about Jesus my whole life but I didn't really know about Jesus. I didn't really know who he was and just how subversive he is.

Things like Salvation were just words I understood but I wasn't fully impacted by. I got comfortable with Jesus. I got too familiar with the fact that he died for me. It started slowly to not mean much to me.

I hear stories of poeple whose lives were messes and who then found Jesus and they are so passionate about their new faith and sometimes it doesn't sound familiar to me. It's like they appreciate Jesus more.

And I wish that was how I felt.

In Luke 7 Jesus has dinner at the house of a Pharisee called Simeon. At some point during the dinner a prostitute walks in off the street and starts to cry in front of Jesus. As if that wasn't bad enough she lets her hair down (which was a big no no) and starts to wipe Jesus' feet and anoint them. All that sounds pretty bad but at least it was more than what Simeon did. Which was nothing.

The woman knew that she was a mess. She knew her life was in tatters and she knew that Jesus could help. And he did. He saved her from the things she was doing. He gave her a new life. He liberated her.

Simeon though, was maybe less aware of his sins. He was confused. His guests were confused. They didn't know what just happened. Simeon didn't really know who Jesus was. He didn't really appreciate Jesus.

I think that I am more like Simeon a lot of the time. I have been immersed in religion for so long that it fogs the fact that I need Jesus. It stops me from seeing that I am pretty messed up and I need him.

I don't appreciate Jesus enough. I don't see who Jesus really is.

And I want that to change.

I want to wake up every day and remember that I need Jesus. I want to remember things I have struggled with in the past and things I struggle with today and remember that Jesus can save me. I want to appreciate what he did for me more.

Most of the time I act like Simeon and don't love Jesus enough. The prostitute was so indebted to Jesus that she anointed his feet. She understood how amazing what Jesus did was. Simeon didn't get that. He offered Jesus nothing.

Simeon had lived as part of the religous elite for most of his life. The prostitute lived as part of the worst and most despised people, most of hers.

It was the religious person who didn't treat Jesus like he deserved. It was the person who was as far away from the 'religious' life that you could get, that did.

When I take Jesus for granted and I don't learn from my mistakes, or when I treat people badly, or when I want my own way and don't think of how that will affect others, I am acting like Simeon.

When I become too caught up in 'Christian' activities and religion I lose sight of Jesus and what he has done for me.

So this week I want to start looking at Jesus more.

I want to appreciate him more.

I want to give more of me to Jesus than I have.

Maybe we should all be a bit more like the prostitute.

New Wardrobe

2009-10-31T10:52:00.004Z

Every now and then you get those moments when you hate your clothes and you feel like you need a bit of a drastic change. And that's how I am feeling about the layout of my blog, so expect over the next while a few changes, including a much brighter easier to read layout.

So to start it all off I have installed intense debate, for comments. It's a lot easier to use, you can now comment via twitter and facebook and well just looks better. So please feel free to give it a go and let me know what you think.

Stay tuned for a brand new post tomorrow!

God is not a salesman

2009-10-15T21:46:00.000+01:00

One of the things I love about Jesus Club is that it has been challenging my perception of Church and where we find God. Traditionally in Northern Ireland Church is a Sunday morning do. It's when we meet together and sing songs, and listen to a sermon. Pray a bit and then have coffee. And there is nothing at all wrong with this. It can be a beautiful thing.

But I have started seeing Church as more about people than theology, or Matt Redmon songs. (Yep you heard it here first, you can have a legitimate Church experience without Blessed Be His Name). The thing I love about the group is that a few guys who agree and disagree on a lot of things can meet and talk about God and not end up with black eyes at the end. I see Jesus Club as a place where we can meet and talk and respect each others opinions and be open to having our beliefs challenged instead of being defensive about out our beliefs.

Jesus Club is by no means an official name for our small gathering. But I like it. One of us started calling it that and I like it because its not cool. In fact it sounds like something I would want to stay away from but in its uncoolness lies its inherent beauty. Sometimes Church tries to be cool and edgy but as Don Miller once said "Chrisitianity will never be cool". Or something along those lines.

His point being I think that Jesus is not about being cool because cool is something that the world dictates. And Jesus is true and cool changes and so how can it be true. Jesus offers an alternative, a better way, a real way. I'll take that over cool thank you very much. But I digress.

What church should look like is something that Chapter 4 of Blue Like Jazz talks a lot about. I'm not going to review the book in this mini series of mine (again...you NEED to read this book), but bring up some of the stuff that was brought up in Jesus Club.

In the chapter, Don's friend Penny didn't feel like Jesus would like her and this was mainly down to how she viewed other Christians opinions of her. As judgemental and that they were trying to sell something.

Unfortunately church is a lot like that sometimes. Sometimes even Christians to Christians. We judge people because they believe slightly different things to us instead of stopping and listening and trying to see what it is exactly the other person is telling us. We are very precious of some of our personal beliefs.

And I think at Jesus Club we are trying to be the opposite. To listen and learn from each other instead of being quick to attack. We have disagreed about many things but somehow we still like each other, there is no awkwardness or distance between us because of our disagreements. If anything our honesty about our disagreements is bringing us closer. Honesty doesn't allow room for fake.

And I hope that our differences are also helping us to change the perception of people who don't follow Jesus (might take up a few more words but I have never liked the term 'non christian') from seeing Church as closed to people who don't subscribe to everything that Christians do. Not everyone in the group is a Christian but I honestly think that everyone likes the idea of Jesus. Just maybe not always certain aspects of Christianity.

And there is sadly often a lot not to like. What I love about Penny's story though is that her journey to know God did not happen in Church. It began by her spending time with one person who showed Jesus through her actions. She didn't try to persuade her she was wrong. Or judge her. She just loved her. Wow. Sounds so simple. So why do we not get it sometimes? Why do we insist on adding on our own requirements to be loved by Jesus? Jesus didn't have any.

But it was that simple. Her view of Christianity changed because her view of Jesus changed through one person showing her what Jesus is really like. She read Matthew and in it she read about Jesus and what he was like. Not what Christianity is like, or what it has been like over the years, but Jesus. The perceptions she had started to slowly change.

And actually when I wrote that Penny's journey to know God did not happen in Church, that is wrong. That is wrong because Penny and Nadine was Church. The two of them talking and one of them who knew Jesus loving the other one, with the only agenda to make sure that the other is loved, is Church.

And that is why I love how Jesus club is changing my perception of Church. Because we are a Church. The fact that some of us differ doesn't change the fact we are Church one bit. Even though we don't sing songs or collect an offering doesn't change that we are Church. I hope and pray we are inclusive. You don't need to believe in the 'right' stuff to be a part of it.

I hope that everyone in the group will see Jesus in each other. Not because I want to 'win' some of the guys for Jesus. Not because I want them to agree with my theology.

But because I want them to know what it's like to be loved by Jesus so much that when I repeatedly do something stupid never seemingly learning from my mistakes, he still loves me.

Or when I face a hopeless situation I know that it's not really hopeless.

Or when I can't see my purpose he shows me.

Maybe we will see something amazing happen in our communities and lives when we start to love each other like Jesus loves us. Unconditionally and finally learning to set our own agendas aside.

Maybe when we open up church so that it doesn't judge you then we can allow Jesus love to really be experienced by everyone.

Now wouldn't that be just Heaven?

Pulling together

2009-09-21T21:52:00.003+01:00

Sometimes, though very rarely, I get those moments when you realise that there is something specific about life you are supposed to be learning. Something relevant to you, right where you are, right amongst everything you are going through, right smack in the face.

And I had one of those moments this week. A few different things all came together at the same time to teach me a lesson I needed to learn.

Let me picture the scene for you.

My fiancee (that was for you Brittany, see I do remember) and I are doing a kind of sweets fast. No sweets or chocolate etc at all except for one day a week. We have attempted this before and it feels good to do somethine like this together. But the point is that I love chocolate and I to not eat any during the week is a real challenge. One, that if it was up to me I would have abandoned long ago. But I know from fasting before it will be worth it.

That doesn't change the fact that when I am alone and Brittany isn't around the temptation is very high to buy myself a deliciuous bar of Whispa Gold (thank God for Whispa Gold, that is all I will say). It would taste so good and yummy and would make me feel so good. I have no doubt about that.

It's the next time I am with Brittany and she asks me how I am getting on with our fast when trouble begins. The temptation is then to lie and say I have had nothing to eat. But that could lead to more lies and even though it may seem trivial over a bar of chocolate it could start to snowball.

But the temptation to taste chocolate is too much for me on my own. And if it was down to me I would give in. But thankfully it's not. Thankfully I know I can text Brittany and when I do she will reply with encouragement. I know that I am not alone in this. I know that when I am struggling I have someone who I can talk to, someone who will help me see what I'm not seeing.

The last few weeks I have also started up with accountability with a friend and having someone to turn to when the heat gets too much as far as temptation with lust and porn in involved, is so freeing. Anytime I feel like turning on the computer and searching for porn I know that when I text my friend he will be right there to offer me encouragement and help me see past the moment. And hopefully vice versa.

Thirdly, it's been great to start meeting up with some new friends and talk through Blue Like Jazz together. It's what church should be. Studying and talking and learning from each other. Even though we don't always agree we know that we can do that without it turning into a fight. We know that we can come to a safe place and be open and know that there will be people who can help us.

These three things together have helped me to view the importance of community. We aren't supposed to go it alone. We are supposed to help each other, not judge each other and we are meant to love each other. It's been great learning this recently. It has been freeing.

I have wasted so much time in the past trying to go it alone. I have tried to pretend that I don't need help. I have always been like that. But this week I think I have reached a turning point. I think now I will stop before I face a challenge and think would it be easier to go it alone or do I need help.

This isn't anything new. From day 1 God knew that we wouldn't be able to cope on our own. That's why he created Eve for Adam (I think it's interesting that it was the man that needed help)

In Colossions Paul ends the book talking about all the people who are helping the church. He lists all these people who care and who are praying for the church. Because they know that we all need help. There is a community feel to this church. It feels like you can be yourself and you don't need to be afraid of being laughed at or hurt.

I like this. And I think when church starts living this out we can all grow and we can solve so many problems in our own lives and in church. When we can be honest with each other and know that there will be help without being judged, we can start living like we were meant to be.

In community.

BLJ Part 2- Problems

2009-09-17T21:39:00.006+01:00

I didn't quite get around to writing last week about our first week reading Blue Like Jazz. But I am ready to wrong that, though I will be skipping right ahead to chapter 2.

It could be quite pointless writing all this. I mean why read what I have to say about the book when you can just read the book itself. Which you should. But please join in if you like. The more the merrier. Feel free to comment and agree, disagree, call me a Heretic or just say Hi.

So to business.

What I love about Chapter 2- 'Problems'- is that it has helped me understand the human condition better. If you are a Christian in Northern Ireland then you know that we are all sinners and need saved. Well at least that's what we are told. And ultimately I believe this and I affirm this. However I never felt comfortable with it. I never liked this. It felt like when I wanted my friends to know about God that I had to start a conversation with this statement and that's just awkward.

It's not a great conversation opener to be honest. Telling people that they need saved is kind of arrogant if you think about it, as if you have the answers already. But I think this is actually a really beautiful thing. The fact that we are far from perfect and that we need rescued from ourselves.

And the reason I think it is beautiful is because I agree with Don that the problem with the world starts with me.

I could sit here and write all day about issues that are wrong in the world. People who are doing terrible things to other people. Lives which are being torn apart by war and hatred. Governments which are abusing other smaller and weaker countries for their own power. You don't need to go far to see just how messed up the world is.

I mean I am fine. I can get up in the morning and I am a Christian and I can go to church every week and read my Bible every day, or at least intend to. And those things I saw on the news last night are nothing to do with me. And I can write a blog which is ultimately not helping the world at all. And it's all fine because I am saved.

But therein lies the problem. Because when I start seeing the world like this then I am actually becoming the problem. My Christian life can become very selfish and all about me that I can forget that there is a world out there. Not that I am saying I am the solution because if I am, then God help us all.

But we can't make a difference unless we realise that we are all in need of rescuing. If nothing more than from ourselves.

So when it comes to telling people that they are sinners and they need rescued, it's actually the most freeing thing we can come to understand about ourselves. When we throw our egos out the window then we don't need to stop trying to feed them so much. We don't need to keep chasing after things that we think are going to make us happy.

I know that when I write here a part of me wants people to read it and think I am a great writer and very clever. I want my friends to see how amazing I am. I want them to compliment me. I want them to compare me to Rob Bell and I want them to tell my friends about me.

And I am a living example of how I am the problem. Because I can't love others when I am spending so much time trying to please myself. It doesn't work. And so I need to be rescued.

And I have been and I am so thankful to a God that has shown me that the world doesn't revolve around me. So this is why I think one of the greatest things we can learn about ourselves is that we are sinners. Not because God wants us to beat oursleves up. Or needs us to give him praise.

But because he knows that we are chasing something that will never really give us what we need, when we try and live for oursleves.

If we understand this then maybe we can understand oursleves better and understand what God is really like.

Following Don

2009-09-10T02:07:00.003+01:00

Wow. It's been over a month since I last wrote here and I really don't like that. So I am going to write more and to help me I am going to blog once a week on the book Blue Like Jazz by the amazing Don Miller.

Since we are starting to read this book in a sort of small group I have joined, I thought it would be a good way to keep track of my thoughts and just as important the thoughts of the other guys in the group. And if you haven't read it, get yourself a copy (you really need to own this book!! Seriously stop reading and get a copy......why are you still here?!!) and please feel free to join in the fun by commenting on my posts on each of the chapters.

I can't tell you how much this book changed my life and I know that may sound cheesy or cliched but its true and I am excited to read it again for the..well I have lost count, but its worth reading over and over.

So I am excited to get started and if you want to follow along you are more than welcome.

Until later then....

Music to Your Ears

2009-08-01T12:29:00.007+01:00

The one thing that has the power to affect most people more than anything else is music. Listening to and experiencing live. I don't really understand when some people say they don't like music. I have always presumed that everyone just did.

I love discovering new music and equally love going back to old music that I haven't listened to in a long time. New music inspires us to realise that creativity can be endless, that there is still hope. If we can constantly come up with new music then maybe we can always reach forward. Instead of getting stuck in life cycles where we feel we aren't getting anywhere, music reminds us that this does not have to be so and we can create and get better.

There is something magical about it. It can change our whole mood and outlook on life in just 3 and a half minutes.

On the other hand, going back to music that we haven't listened to in a while can remind us of better times. It can say to us hey remember when you were happy, or when you didn't struggle. Well you can be like that again. It doesn't have to be like this.

I honestly believe that music can have that sort of impact on us.

And there is no better way to experience that, than when you see live music. Sometimes live music can suck, but other times it can be a truly spiritual experience. Taking you out of your self and your problems and your struggles for two hours.

I've felt that with the Swell Season, Anathallo, the first time I saw the Manics,

the first time I saw Therapy? when I wasn't actually old enough to get into the Empire,

the first time I went to a hardcore show and realised that there was a whole type of intense music that I never knew existed,

the first time I crowdsurfed,

the first time I heard Rage Against the Machine,

the first time I saw Take That and felt the emotion of seeing a great band reform for the first time in years,

the time I saw Radiohead in a small theatre after thinking I had missed out on tickets,

the time I saw a band called Cave In my friend Peter went on about to me and didn't look back,

the time I waited for my friend Rohan to pick me up to get the Oasis album but he was late and they had sold out.

The first concert I went to and was just overtaken by what was going on. Jumping up and down for hours to good music. Just letting go and singing and sometimes being a bit violent.

All these moments and thousands more have been engrained in my memory. In those moments I felt like I could do anything, that no matter what I faced it didn't matter because I had music and I had friends to experience it with. I would always have music. It wouldn't let me down.

Right now this song is making me excited to be alive. What song or band is making you excited to be alive?

The Last Temptation of Jesus

2009-07-20T12:34:00.006+01:00

When the Bible is called the 'living word' it usually means several things. For example that even though it was written a long time ago it is still relevant today. But what I love more is that you can read something in the Bible, something you have read many times before and then suddenly a new insight jumps out at you. You get a new look at a bit of information that before was just part of the background.

I love when this happens and it happened to me this week. And it happened at a time when I really really needed a certain passage to take on some fresh meaning for me.

I'm talking about Matthew chapter 4, where Jesus is taken into a desert and tempted by Satan, trying to get him to give in to him. I haven't read this passage loads of times for myself but I felt like I knew it pretty well and that I understood all there was to understand. Boy was I wrong! And maybe the biggest lesson I learned was to read things for myself, not just assume that I know what they are going to say.

But in the words of the great Jimmy Cricket....there's more.

In my last post I talked about struggling with temptation. And one of the things I have really struggled with when I have been tempted by porn is to understand where Jesus was in it. I would pray and I would ask him to help and often he did, but somehow he felt distant and pretty much didn't understand what I was going through.

I mean I have heard on countless occassions that Jesus knows exactly what it feels like to be us. He knows what it feels like to go through our struggles. But I couldn't quite believe that. How can Jesus know what it is like to be tempted by porn?! He may well have been tempted sexually but it certainly isn't reported in the Bible.

But reading Matthew 4 again something hit me which has changed my whole look on Jesus. And the thing that hit me most was verses 8 and 9 (the message)

For the third test, the Devil took him to the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth's kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, "They're yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they're yours."

Jesus was tempted twice by Satan but then on the third time, he offers Jesus everything. He offers him power and prestige and control. He offers him the chance to control and rule the world.

There is a little problem though in that Satan can't offer him any of this. According to Satan if Jesus just bows to him he can have it all. But it isn't Satan's to give. Satan does not have any authority to give this to Jesus. It's a big stinking lie. Plain and simple.

I thought about when I struggle with temptation and lust and porn and I realised that this is exactly what Satan does with me. He offers me an escape. If I was just to take the time to look at that website or buy that magazine, then everything would be ok. The things I was looking for would be given to me. The hurt or void in my life that I think porn can fill will be filled....

When you struggle with porn or lust it is usually because there is something you are trying to fix. We use it to fix our past, our feelings of abandonment, our self image issues. We turn to porn to give us back control we feel we have lost somewhere. For me it may be issues to do with losing my father. A loss of a father figure. A loss of the type of love that a Father gives. For others it may be abuse they suffered or other parental junk from your past.

The main thing, no matter why you look at porn, you are looking to get back some sort of control. You were raped as a kid so you look at porn because it gives you a feeling of control again. Something that was taken from you. There are a hundred reasons why people turn to porn but I believe that regaining control is the underlying reason.

And it's at this point that I realised that Jesus does know what it feels like to be sexually tempted. Because Jesus was offered the chance to get control by Satan. Verse 1 tells us that Jesus had been fasting for forty days and nights and he was hungry. We don't know what Jesus dealt with during that time, but I bet he thought about what lay ahead for him. We know from Matthew 26 v 39 that Jesus was human because he asked for God to provide an alternative from him dying on the cross.

"My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do you want?" (the message)

Jesus was scared. Jesus knew that this was not going to be nice. Wow Jesus was human. I read these two passages and suddenly I realised Jesus was just like us. I started to see Jesus as someone who understood everything I went through. This changes everything.

Back to the desert.

Jesus was hungry. He was vulnerable. He needed filled up. If you struggle with porn it's because you are hungry. You are vulnerable. You need filled up.

Wow. Are you getting that?!

And when Satan offers him a chance to get back a feeling of control, it must have been very tempting.

Jesus knows exactly what it's like to be tempted by porn. And he didn't cave. He stood firm. He knew that not giving in was what was really going to fill that hole. He knew that only God could really offer what he desired.

And if Jesus can do it then so can we. He is in me now and so that means his power is in me and you and anyone who loves him.

I have been tempted a few time recently and when I am I remember this. I remember that Jesus does understand what I am feeling and because he loves me he shows me how to get past the temptation. If nothing else just knowing Jesus understands is enough for me to resist. Knowing that Jesus does care. Because now I don't feel alone. I don't feel like I am the only one who goes through this.

And even if you are (but you're not)

Jesus knows.

Jesus understands.

Jesus does feel what it feels like.

Jesus survived the desert.

That means so can you.

I like big Buts

2009-07-13T13:44:00.007+01:00

I'm putting my lack of blog posts lately down to being pretty busy. In the last few weeks since I got home from London I have been at school, saying goodbyes, making some money, hanging out with friends, Summer Madness and now finally sitting down and just taking some time for myself.

It's much needed. It feels good and I think that everyone should take some time, every day just to be on their own. I'm finally now getting the chance. And what a lot of stuff it has thrown up!

This week the temptations and issues I thought were a thing of the past raised their ugly (and I mean hideously ugly) heads again, (I need to deal with why that happened for sure but for now I want to deal with how I react in the moment). When something bad in your life that you thought was done with and has lost its control over you comes back it can be scary and alarming and just frustrating. But this week I really got to understand first hand how God can use all things for his glory.

I was tempted to look at porn again this week and I honestly very nearly did. Something stopped me. Something in me that I certainly can't explain but whatever it was I am just glad it spoke up inside of me. However I wasn't honest about how I was struggling. I said I was fine and I wasn't and I lied to the one person I should be able to share these things with. It was close and I know that I hurt someone very close to me because of it.

And that is where my healing really came from.

Love is supposed to be a great motivator but honestly for me anyway, knowing I have hurt someone is much more challenging for me to change behaviour. When I stopped looking at porn it began by feeling terrible about what I had done. The feelings of shame or being found out made me reassess what I am doing. Simply put, causing someone else to hurt is what makes me more than anything else want to not look at porn. There is no greater motivation for me.

The trouble for me though is that I think I have confused these feelings for feelings of hatred and disgust at myself. No doubt sometimes those feelings are necessary to cause change in our behaviours but definately it is not what we should be living with. I have been shown this week by my best friend that feeling bad because we have hurt someone should not be seen as identical as hating ourselves all the time.

I don't want to ever forget how I made my girlfriend feel when she found out what I had nearly done but at the same time I need to live with that at a healthy distance. My girlfriend calls this 'owning our sin'.

In one of the books in the New Testament, Romans it talks about God's love and it says

Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: (The Message).

Now if this is true and I believe it is, then how would me hating myself constantly, fit into God's love for me. Well..it just couldn't. It's impossible. Porn or masturbation (if that is a sin?...that deserves another post all of its own) or any other sin we do are not able to make God love us less. And me hating myself is certainly not in God's plan for me or you or anyone. So we can't go around beating ourselves up all the time. I can't beat myself up because of stuff in my past.

God's love is bigger than us or anything we think or do.

So this is where I find myself. I want to remember what I have done in the past. I want to remember the hurt and devestation it has caused, to myself but also others. I want to remember the way I felt when I have been pulled up about porn. I want to remember when I have been told that unless I stop things I shouldn't be doing a relationship can't continue. It's not nice. It certainly puts things in perspective.

But.... and this is a huge but (insert own joke here), I don't want them to affect how I feel about myself. I am loved. God loves me so much. God's love covers the worst thing I can think of. Or the worst thing I do. I want love to be the main motivator for me to stay pure. God's love and my girlfriend's love. My friends' love and my families love. I think the way we should live in this truth is that when we sin it should make us feel bad. I guess that's where repentace begins.

But maybe we need to always hold these feelings at a safe distance.

Love allows us to live with these things and not let them dictate our lives. So my challenge for myself and anyone who struggles with porn or lust or sin. Don't just assume your actions don't affect other people. They do. We need to remember that. But if we base them in God's love, a love that can never be destroyed, they can inspire us to be fair to ourselves and the people close to us by living without sin, without giving ourselves a mental beating.

If that doesn't help remember this ....

the only buts we should be looking at are the ones that God shows us, when we think we can't let go of our sin..

The End is the Beginning is the End

2009-06-29T09:45:00.003+01:00

It seems my life has been full of a lot of 'How It Ends' recently and I guess that's just what this time of year throws up. A lot of goodbyes, finishing of degrees, courses, internships etc. It can be so exciting and exhausting all in one.

This week I graduated from BBC along with a lot of friends and it was good to finally put an end to this chapter of my life. Unfortunately along with that comes the inevitable goodbyes and the farewell of friends from abroad, some of who we're not sure when we will meet again, if at all.

To be honest, I'm not that big of a farwell person. I'll miss people but I know that the ones I am close to, I will see again. I know it will happen. I think that's the problem sometimes. We just never know how. We don't know when we will find the time or the money.

But if we want it to happen I am pretty sure all of us will make it happen. I have a had a few of these phases in my life. End of school, end of Uni, end of living with people for four years, end of amazing summers, end of relationships. The list could go on and you could thousands of others to that. Everyone has these experiences. The feeling that something special is lost and we will never get it back. People we say we will always stay in touch with but we don't, even if they are our facebook friends.

But yet life seems to keep offering up more experiences that we don't want to end, so I know that this is not the end, but just a change. I will feel exactly like this again, just next time about something else.

I don't know if that sounds cold, like I don't care. But I feel like life is always going to be like this and to be honest I hope it does. I want to experience lots of things and I want to change because change is good. Change is essential for the world to keep evolving. If we don't change stagnation occurs. This is true from theology all the way to changing your underwear.

So this week I want to remember my time at BBC and remember my friends there but I also want to look forward to the summer and what is going to happen after.

They say that school is the best time of your life. Maybe that was true for you, maybe not. Whatever part of your life you would put in there, what about the next part. Do you really want your school days to be the best days of your life? Do I want my BBC time to be the best days of my life? Do you want that job you just moved on from to be the best days of your life? That trip, that journey, that internship, that summer?

I know I don't.

Invisible Children- How It Ends

2009-06-20T18:11:00.003+01:00

Six weeks ago I started this internship in London with Invisible Children and now almost six weeks later I am nearly done.

I have had some ups and some downs. There have been times when I have been so excited to be here and other times when I just wanted to go home. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for sure.

Today I had my penultimate activity as an IC intern. Having a screening at an community arts festival. It was pretty awesome. Reflecting on it I think that is what I have missed. I have missed the connecting with people about IC and seeing them get excited and inspired.

A lot of what I have been doing has been emailing and calling and it gets boring sometimes. But strangely I wouldn't change it. It has given me a really amazing insight into how a charity like IC works.

The thing about IC is that everything about it looks awesome. The website is awesome, the graphics are engaging. The movies are life changing. But it is hard work. I have seen Simon, Ami, Davy and Molly work their butts off.

For all the stuff that people see on the surface of IC there are layers and layers of hard work that goes into it. That has been eye opening for me. It has been a privilege to be part of. And now it ends.

At least for a while. At least until I get home and relax for a week and regroup mentally. I am looking forward to that. I am looking forward to just being with Brittany. No exams, no work, no responsibilities. If at least for a week.

So the title of this post was intended to portray two meanings. Obviously how my time in London is almost coming to a close. But also the events that are going on in Washington and London this weekend. 'How it ends' is going to be the part of something incredible. I think that everyone who works for IC are working towards an event that if successful could mean they wouldn't have a job. And I think they wouldn't mind.

Because if this weekend works, Joseph Kony will be arrested. It may take time but if that happens then what does that mean for IC. I'm sure that it will still exist. There will still be so much work to do.

But the reason that IC began in the beginning could realistically be finished. If Joseph Kony is captured and the kids get to go home then IC would move into a new phase and a new purpose.

I love that. I love that these people are dedicating their lives (some of them every single minute breathing IC) to something that could be over. So if you are in Washington this weekend or in London on Sunday or Monday please head along to these events. They will be awesome. They will look cool but more importantly they will help change lives if you go.

For me and my IC time that is all. There will be more I am sure. But for now that is it. It has been incredible. But all good things must come to an end. And more importantly some bad things too.

Glass half Empty

2009-06-05T16:16:00.003+01:00

This weekend Brittany is coming over to visit and I really don't think it could have come at a better time. I love working with Invisible Children but the trouble with working with an organisation like this is that it is very easy to forget why I am doing this.

I have been trying to book summer schools and camps for IC to be a part of or do a screening. Doing that and reciting the same spiel about who IC is can be very jading. I keep talking about child soldiers but at the same time forget about the child soldiers. If that makes sense. I know that there are child soldiers who need saved but I have lost certian emotions that their injustice evoked in me in the first place.

At the start I loved it mainly because I was looking at places in Northern Ireland and people I know who would be interested. It was cool because I felt like I was doing a really significant bit to get IC known throughout Northern Ireland.

Since then though I have shifted to working at looking for contacts for the London area. And that's cool but I think after 4 weeks of this I am starting to get tired. I need time to relax and forget about IC for a few days. I guess that's the danger when you partake in something you are passionate about. You can let it become your life rather than a part of your life.

I don't think what I am feeling is that unusual. It's to be expected. If your are living and breathing one thing for a constant time you get sick of it. Or at least I do. Don't want to generalise.

So I am looking forward to spending some time with Brittany because I know I will feel more sane after some time with her. I know by putting IC on the side for a couple of days I will be able to regroup and try and get that enthusiasm I had four weeks ago back again.

But I know that IC is important and I know that when I reflect on this time I will be proud and honoured that I got an opportunity to work with such an awesome organisation.

It's not perfect by any means. It's still growing, learning and ironing out a lot of creases but it's cool to be a part of. Just now I need to not think about it.

I know that all this is a far cry from my earlier posts since arriving in London but that's the beauty of blogging.

Glass half Full

2009-05-29T18:17:00.002+01:00

Three weeks in and I have hit the half way mark of my internship with Invisible Children. It doesn't feel like three weeks. Sometimes it feels like more, sometimes it feels like less. But I am really enjoying being here.

In some ways I don't want to go home. I haven't really missed home although I have missed certain people (you know who you are, perhaps some don't). One thing is I am starting to start and think what I want to do. Maybe for the first time since school, A uni degree and a two year Bible college course in fact.

I have put it off. For a long time I have felt like I am just putting off the inevitable and sooner or later I will need to decide what I will do for a proper job.

But I think now I am at peace with where I am. Sometimes I have felt like other people my age already have a career and are making money and are sorted.

Now though, I am happy that I am not there. I mean I have learned so much the last few years and there are experiences that I would not have gotten to experience if I had 'settled' down. This internship for one.

So I guess I am just getting comfortable that this is my life and just because it doesn't seem to be the same as a lot of people I went to school or uni, that's OK. I do not want to follow a path that s I am 'supposed' to follow. That's not to diss people who have a career or are even starting families. Those are amazing things and you guys have experienced amazing things that I haven't.

Yet.

I am just happy that I am not comparing myself anymore with anyone else. This is my life and I am happy with it. I am doing something I want to be doing. Of course sometimes we need to change something about our lives.

But if you think you are missing out on something because other people are experiencing it, be happy where you are. Most likely they are want something you have. You don't have to do it all now. This minute. It will come. Whatever your 'it' is

Anathallo

2009-05-27T18:22:00.002+01:00

Sometimes when you go to shows the music makes you want to cry.

Not because it is really sad or really happy but simply because it is so *&"(*"$ awesome it just hits you somewhere deep inside and makes you excited and glad to be a person.

Last night I saw Anathallo in London and at various points I felt like crying.

That's all that needs to be said....

God and Invisible Children

2009-05-22T14:19:00.003+01:00

Almost two weeks into my internship with Invisible Children and it's hard to believe that I am a third of the way through. To be honest I wish it would go on longer. That I could stay for the whole summer. But alas Shop 4 U is barely surviving without me as it is.

This second week has been good. I have been trying to think of more contacts to get in touch with and more ideas of what I can do here.

The thing I love about working for Invisible Children is that I have my own project but I am given the complete freedom to think outside the box and to use my imagination to spread the word about what is going on in Northern Uganda. They recognise that we have gifts and talents and minds and we should use them for good. That's really encouraging and it has made me think about what I want to do with my life. Or maybe I should say how I want my life to look.

I am starting slowly to realise that I am a person who has been blessed with so much and a mind and was born with a God given creative ability. We all have. I'm also starting to see that God doesn't want me to be afraid and doesn't want me to be unfulfilled with life. This is a pretty big break through for me because I have generally had a negative view of God. And by that I mean that he is disappointed with me, or doesn't want me to be fully alive or hasn't given me the ability to be someone.

But he has. And I want to remember that. Not to go through every day being scared. Not to hide but to allow God to inspire me. He created me and he did that so I could experience life. He gave me life. Why? Because he wanted me to be a part of life.

And that brings me back to Invisible Children. I want to be part of something like this because they are about ordinary people using their voices. Whatever we have or whereever we came from isn't important. If everyone put their voice together then we can actually change the world. It's happened and it's happening.

Sorry inspirational excitement moment over for now.

In other news, my goal of seeing a celebrity before I come home is still sadly unfulfilled. Davy just saw Sebastian Coe. The closest I have come is a lookalike of the Scottish guy off Dragon's Den. But I will not give up. I will just need to buy a copy of Heat and see the hotspots.

Tonight I am hanging with my best friend from Uni who I haven't seen in 4 years. Crazy! Will be awesome though.

Invisible Children Week 2, Day 1 -The Screening

2009-05-18T23:00:00.006+01:00

I can't believe it is already a week since I started. From feeling really nervous and being over an hour early because I wanted to make sure I knew where to go, to feeling like I had been in this place for a long time.

Today was a pretty cool day as I got to experience my first Invisible Screening as someone who works for Invisible Children. We were in Sydenham High School in London,an all girl school.

Molly, Ashlee (I'm used to be outnumbered by women but this was ridiculous) and I went along representing IC and it went really well. The girls were all really into it and asked some really good questions at the end. We showed the 'Who we are' video and also 'the RESCUE'

I had seen the RESCUE before but this was the first time I saw it on a big screen. It was amazing. Felt like watching it for the first time and I appreciated watching it because it reminded me why I am doing this. It felt like the first time and I got chills when it started.

It's so easy to sit in the office and work away and getting contacts that you become detached from it. Molly mentioned this when she told us how this was her 90th time watching it and she has kind shuts off when the film is showing. She doesn't like this and I can see why. We forget that this is real and that these things are actually happening.

It really struck me in the film when it gets to the part about the massacre of the villages last Christmas.

That's Christmas 2008.

I remember exactly what I did that day. Where I was. Who I was with.

I was with my family, having fun. Not a care in the world.

Though somewhere in the world, people were being killed, people were having their bodies mutilated. People having their lives ripped apart. And at the exact moments those things were happening I was with my family. Having a wonderful time.

Now that's not to make myself feel guilty or make anyone else feel guilty. We are meant to enjoy this world and life was made to be good. But it is very very sobering all the same.

I write this so I can look back and remember that we can never forget what is going on in the world. We can't allow oursleves to get so withdrawn into our own worlds and what is going on with 'me' that we forget what is happening to 'them'.

I remembered a little today why I am happy to be here doing this.

So that was today. Then it was off home and going to hear my sister sing at her showcase for her course.

I was pretty excited because I have heard her talk about her showcases and how much she enjoys them and it was pretty awesome that I was going to be there for her Jazz performance.

Right now it is after 11 and I think that tiredness is finally starting to catch up with me. I think from tomorrow I might get a couple of early nights.

Over and out

Invisible Children Week 1

2009-05-16T12:48:00.004+01:00

So I had hoped to write a bit more often than once a week and this next week that will be my aim but this first week I have just been getting settled into the office, finding out what I will be doing and doing it and meeting new people and so that has meant I have neglected a few things. Time for myself, time for people who are important to me and time to write.

So I want to change that. But first I want to update anyone who reads this on what my first week at Invisible Children has looked like

So I arrived on Monday and met Davy, Simon and Ami. I was pretty nervous but right from the off I was made to feel welcome and realised quickly that I was going to enjoy it. The office is right at the top of a flight of stairs and has a nice feel to it. Davy told me that its pretty relaxed and I soon realised this. Davy is my boss but he is chill, he works hard, he knows his stuff but he isn't scary.

Effectively I am working with Simon the tour manage and he has given me the project of getting contacts for the Autumn tour to Ireland. I like this. It makes me feel that I am bringing something important to the development of Invisible Children that is unique to me.

So my first day pretty much involved me getting settled, helping sort out the merchandise and moving a few desks around. It was more manual work but it felt good becasue like I said it felt like I was helping to establish Invisible Children in Europe. Just my wee bit but I was doing it.

The next day I came in and got myself my desk and started on my project. I like that we have projects and side projects. So I set about the task of thinking of schools, festivals, clubs, camps, bands, teachers anyone I know who may be interested in having a screening. Already I have had some exciting responses. One in particular which I am really excited about but which I won't divulge any more until it is more concrete. Sorry

So it was good. It was fun. It was chilled. It's an amazing working environment.

I even revolutionised the office music system by introducing Spotify to the office. (My biggest achievement so far may be persuading Davy, Simon and Ami to download it on their computer)

Wednesday came with more of the same. Finally though I was beginning to really feel at home and not be scared and get up and leave the office for 5 minutes if I need something. I also met Ashlee who flew in from Austria (though I still doubt that since she didn't recognise the Austrian flag) and will be working with me to make contacts only for England, Scotland and Wales.

Thursday and I met the Scotland and Irish Roadies who returned the previous night. It was good to me Nick who I had spoken on the phone with and been in touch when trying to organise the previous tour, Charley who I had met at the RESCUE in Dublin and Molly who I had never met before.

So that's my week so far. Next week I will be writing more regularly because I don't want to forget anything and I want to be able to look back and just remember this experience as clearly as I can.

But so far I am excited. There are a lot of cool things in the pipeline for Invisible Children and I just want people to know about it. It's easy to lose sight on why I am involved, why I am thankful that Brittany's excitement and desire to change the world has brought me here.

I am here because I want to help end a war. That may sound pretentious to some.

I simply don't care.

I want to help. Screw that. It is my duty to help.

Just writing this gets me fired up and maybe it is the fact that I have grown up in a country which has been at war. How in some ways the way children are being brainwashed to hate isn't to far from what happens to kids in Northern Ireland. They may not lose their lives and their familied but they lose their perspective on people who are different than them.

And more often than not, it's not their fault.

OK I think that's enough for now.

I may blog tomorrow on some of my other thoughts on just being in London.

And I promise that more regular updates are to come

in London

2009-05-09T17:34:00.004+01:00

Yesterday I moved to London...well for 6 weeks at least but I think it sounds better if I say I live here now....if only for 6 weeks.

I'm staying with my wee sis in Acton, London while I do my placement with Invisible Children. I'm pretty excited but I'm the kind of person that usually doesn't get really excited about something until I am actually into it and going. But it is pretty cool to be here.

Today we headed into the city centre, walked aroung Leicester Square, bought a birthday present, had lunch and headed up Carnaby street for a dander. I've been to London a fair few times before so everything doesn't have quite the 'awe' factor that London usually provokes.

So my sis went home to do some work and I hung about, got a coffee (a caramel Frappuccino from Starbucks to be exact) and had a sit in Golden square, watching the world go by.

It was nice and sunny and I was a bit annoyed I hadn't brought a book. Next time.
So that's that really. Pretty uneventful so far and I think it hasn't completely sunk in that this will be my home for the next 6 weeks.

Still I am just eager to get started with my placement. I don't know exactly what it will hold but I know it will be good. Until Monday then...

We've ALL been RESCUED!!!

2009-05-01T14:21:00.004+01:00

Last week I wrote a bit about the RESCUE that was happening in 100 cities. Well I went and we were rescued. It was awesome. We started a revolution to save abducted children. It was good. That was 6 days ago

And 6 days later every city was rescued. Well almost!

Chicago waited and they waited and they moved, and then waited some more, then moved again, then waited, then moved once more and waited. For 6 days hundreds of people waited to be rescued. Reinforcements came. Thousands of emails to Oprah Winfrey pleading to be rescued, as many if not more tweets to get her to come out.

It took 6 days but finally the peoples voice was heard and today on her Friday LIVE broadcast she will rescue Chicago. Amazing. We thought she didn't hear but she did. In fact there were times when many thought she was ignoring us. It seemed that way. But you know what?

Her timing could not have been more perfect.

The one day that the show goes LIVE and she decides to answer. She could have answered 6 days ago but her voice will be clearer now than it would have been then. In other words the best possible scenario is what is going on now! If she had answered on Saturday then all the media wouldnt have been out to see what the heck all these people were doing hanging around Chicago for nearly a week.

What's happening to the Child Soldiers will be heard by thousands of more people than if it happened earlier. All it required was a little bit of patience. A bit of hope. A belief that something was around the corner.

And for all the people waiting their hope was rewarded. Their belief was shown to be true. That's awesome to me. Sometimes we need to have hope. We want something to happen now. But we don't realise that it might not be the best if it happens now. If it happens now, we might miss out on something that is going to happen then. What if we just stick it out. What if we stopped now just because we don't see results now? That would be a tragedy

I'm glad the kids in Chicago didn't stop. I'm glad they kept going. They are inspiring to me. I want to be like them. I want to not give up even if all the evidence says I should. But the evidence isn't all their is. It may be all we see sometimes, but it is definatley not all there is.

That's a good enough reason to keep going.

Well done Chicago!
Well done Oprah!

Want To End a War?

2009-04-24T10:59:00.002+01:00

A long time ago I wrote about some excting things that were coming up. Some of those didn't come to fruition but tomorrow the thing that I was probably most excited about is happening.

For years now there has been a war in Uganda where Joseph Kony, the leader of the Lord's Resistance Army (nothing to with God!) has been kidnapping young children to fight for him. Kids who are just like you and me (well a few years ago now!). Kids who like to laugh and play and mess around with their friends just like kids anywhere. But they aren't getting the chance to be children because someone is taking it away from them.

Thankfully 3 film students from California decided that they could do something to help these kids. Thankfully through them over 50'000 young people throughout the world are also going to do something to help.

So this Saturday the 25th April, no matter where you are, get yourself along to the RESCUE

March with hundreds of other people in a united stance for the child soldiers and show the people doing their shopping that there is something wrong going on in the world right now. The great thing is WE CAN do something. We have a voice and we use it so much but we don't use it for other people enough. Tomorrow you can have a real chance to make a difference.

So for anyone reading this and if you are in Ireland tomorrow, get yourself to Dublin tomorrow. Just go. Don't question whether you can afford the time off, or whether you have a paper due in or whether you miss the next episode of American Idol, or whether you need to see the new Wolverine movie.

The abducted child soldiers don't get to way up those thoughts when they leave their homes.

Get down to St Patrick's cathedral at 3 pm and join up with others to walk through the city and show people what is going on in Uganda. This is going to be the most amazing thing you will be involved with.

Once chance to really change another human beings life

Don't miss it.